New Dawgs, Old Tricks
Shame on us. Shame on us for thinking we were past the "GPODAWUND” days. Shame on us for thinking, believing, hoping that Kevin Stefanski’s second Coach of the Year and subsequent extension was enough to cleanse the demons of our past. Shame on us for letting ourselves get hyped up about a loaded roster, a new offense geared towards doing the things our mercurial QB has always been good at, and the possible return of Nick Chubb. Shame on us.
Of course, the blame is not on us, the fans. We are just the innocent bystanders as we watch our favorite franchise careen from one chasm to the next, ping-ponging our way through the easy part of the hardest schedule in the NFL as we hit every “LOSS” bumper in the pinball machine that is the 2024 season. The blame is on the decision-makers who thought it would be a good idea to connect arguably the most vociferous fan base in the world with a quarterback who was dealing with the now-seemingly fatal cocktail of crazy bad off-field issues and overextended absence on the field. The blame is on modeling everything to a player that, despite being hogtied to the franchise, feels more likely to quit on the team than lead them to the promised land as he cops out of responsibility time and again. The blame is on the head coach who refuses to point fingers, even though we can all clearly see this is not his plan, yet the flames grow higher as he sits at the table saying “this is fine”. The blame is on everyone, at this point.
This season feels worse than others because of the *chokes and dry heaves* vibes. Deshaun Watson is incredibly difficult to root for, not just because of the endless controversy and sexual assaults that fans can skim over when he’s playing well, but because he seems like the douchiest douche who ever douched. Jed Wills took entirely too long to return from injury, Jack Conklin has secured the bag for “highest paid useless guy”, and Amari Cooper has gone from loveable and admired by fans to giving heated answers about questions the media have asked. Nick Chubb is still working his way back from injury and can give the fans someone to root for on the offense, which to be called a slog wouldn’t be harsh enough.
But these were supposed to be the Browns that turned it around. The new girlfriend or boyfriend you meet after years of gaslighting, emotional abuse and borderline torture. The ones that say all the right things [If they say anything at all, like a pure Stefanski presser] while converting third downs on offense and swatting down passes on defense. But now we are seeing too many coincidences and similarities: celebrating too much on a sack after getting gashed for a 20-yard run, passes soared overhead and hands tossed in the air in frustration. The way Watson walked off the field after realizing there was yet another instance of 12 men on the field, negating a chance at a touchdown created by the defense yet again, was the epitome of the season for Cleveland.
And it doesn’t help that Baker Mayfield is back in his goofy era, portraying goateed NPCs in videos and having fun in Tampa. Nor is it helpful watching Joe Flacco bombing away in Indy, going over 300 yards with ease while Watson hasn’t thrown for over 200 yards yet in a game. The situation Cleveland is in is self-inflicted, and neither of those players were going to work out in Cleveland long term, but the Squidward looking out the window at SpongeBob and Patrick playing of the situation in BrownsTown is too much for most of us. Unfortunately, we have been down this road too many times as fans of Cleveland football. It turns out even new “dawgs” can learn old tricks.
