The internet is full of some of the best, most intelligent research and commentary from the entire history of mankind. Good luck finding it though as it is buried in a mass of memes, flame wars, and puppy GIFs. As such, there is a litany of proposals to come up with answers to among the dumbest questions ever asked sitting alongside some of the most enlightened. Today’s development came from an answer to one among the former.
New game. Remake any movie but with Muppets and only one human co-star. https://t.co/Tdud8QhmPh
— Marc Uren (@uren_marc) June 23, 2018
Despite thousands of suggestions, the most obvious answer mysteriously remained unused. No doubt the best option would be a faux-documentary about the 2018 Cleveland Indians with manager Terry Francona as the sole human actor; playing himself. The late night scene of Tito and Miss Piggy playing cribbage while downing a gallon of ice cream each would make the movie Oscar-worthy.
Every Muppet movie must star the great Kermit the Frog. His larger-than-puppet character envelops the spirit that is the Muppets, so it is only fitting that he portray the gregarious shortstop with the award-winning smile. Besides, no one excites the rest of their crew quite like Kermit and Lindor.
The diva of the group believes to be the star of the show and deserving of high-profile spots even when the actual skills don’t meet the minimum requisites despite flashes of brilliance. Add in an over-the-top personality and, well, I don’t think there is any question here. Watch out for the karate-chop!
There is something to be said for dependability. Perhaps not the funniest or among the first a fan might think of when listing off characters/players, but Rowlf and Chisenhall have been providing value as members for a long time and having that familiarity provides a warmth to the soul.
Fozzie is beloved for his sweet, good-hearted nature even if the audience would rather laugh at him rather than with him. Carrasco’s philanthropy efforts demonstrate Fozzie is the perfect match to play him as do his outwardly umm, ‘antics.’1
The intrinsic value is only heightened by the relative rarity of the appearances.2 No one comes away from a Swedish Chef short or a Dr. Smooth plate appearance disappointed. Maybe not the true star, but definitely among the fan favorites.
A brotherhood bond forged through the love of science and knowledge. The only issue with this portrayal is it might be considered a bit too on the nose.
Catchers have to be a little bit ‘off.’ Something not quite normal to chase down triple-digit fastballs and 90 miles per hour breaking pitches in the dirt. Be willing to put on the armor and accept the punishment from swings, foul balls, and general exhaustion. Not to mention, seeing the expression on Francona’s face when his catcher steals his scooter and crashes it into the bullpen is going to be priceless.
What other character would grow out a long beard just to ‘show some character’3 or be the most likely to straight-faced say ‘you are all weirdos’ with the happenings in the clubhouse?
Often overlooked, yet supremely confident in their own abilities, these Latino men, err crustaceans, are essential components. They provide star-power and steal scenes from supposedly more blue-chip players despite not ever being considered a top-line draw by talent scouts, whom they consistently prove wrong.
Gonzo the Alonso. Enough said.
One of the fun parts of most Muppet movies is waiting for the appearance of Big Bird. The cameo in several films helps link the Sesame Street and the Muppets in a wonderful way. Likewise, Zimmer links the future of the Indians with the present. Unfortunately, his appearances between injuries and options tend to be cameos as well.
Taken in from their previous home in New York, the late add to the corps provided elite-level performances before being minimized (in Miller’s case due to injury). A return to prominence will be essential if there is to be any true measure of success from the group.
The only reason Scooter is allowed to be in the group is because his uncle owns the theater similar to how the only reason the fans haven’t revolted about Davis being in the lineup is due to his magical home run in Game 7 of the 2016 World Series.
Physical behemoths with warm, welcoming demeanors.
Every contending ballclub needs a rally chicken. Besides, Camilla already pre-ordered the No. 37 Pollo jersey.
He plays an essential role and is quite good at it, but there are limited needs for him to be involved. Don’t force the issue, just use him where he is best and let him sit everything else out.
It seems like the character should be important and play an integral role in the success of the franchise, but most fans are always left wanting more. Perhaps destined to be a potential unrealized.
Presented without commentary.
Poor Newsman having all the crazed antics of the Muppets going on around him, yet he needs to continuously read the news and keep a straight face. Hat-tip to the professionals.