I’m only here for the pizza: While We’re Waiting

Happy Thursday, you guys! It’s the morning of the first day of the NFL Draft—and for us Cleveland Browns fans it feels like cause for equal parts celebration and anxiety.

Occupying the While We’re Waiting spot the morning of Cleveland’s own personal Christmas is a little daunting, and I spent a great deal of time trying to decide not only how to broach the subject, but if I even should.

Because here’s the thing… the only three predictions I’m equipped to make is that tonight, I’m going to consume a lot of pizza and I’m going to end up yelling at the TVs in the Map Room. Also, I’m probably going to end up crying. Let’s go full Mel Kiper and break these predictions down, as they’re not mutually exclusive.

My love for downtown Cleveland’s Map Room is well documented in these halls. The West 9th Street institution is cozy and dive-y without being dirty, with tons of beer selections and pizza that’s deliciousness isn’t contingent on how much of that beer you’ve already consumed. There’s almost always some kind of sports on, and the jukebox is of the Touch Tunes variety, a life-changing discovery when you just HAVE to hear “I Want it That Way” by the Backstreet Boys at 1:37 AM on a Saturday. Almost always packed with Cleveland sports fans, the Map Room is the perfect spot to watch the Draft, which is why I’ve watched the last several there (including last year’s with a few fellow WFNYers).

I’m diagramming this out on my whiteboard as I speak, and it’s looking like my first pick of the 2018 NFL Draft will be a large pepperoni pizza with a side of ranch for dipping (I always approach the Draft with a “go big or go home” kind of attitude). My sources (me) also tell me it’ll likely be a draft 312 to wash it all down, though a tall Summer Shandy may sneak in and take us all by surprise.

Side note, how awesome would it be if Cleveland hosted its own Pizza Combine? The top picks from Angelo’s, Map Room, Citizen Pie and Crust all show up to square off against each other. The Sunnyside from Bar Cento comes out of nowhere to completely “wow” the scouts. Everyone goes home a winner—and in a food coma.

Anyways, while I can’t predict exactly why the Browns will make me yell at the Map Room’s TVs, past learning tells me it will likely be caused by one of two things: the Browns doing something that makes me excited, or the Browns doing something I don’t understand whatever. If years past tell me anything, the latter is much more likely than the former.

My third prediction comes down to my favorite part of the Draft… the live reaction shots after a guy’s been picked. YOU GUYS. I cry pretty much every time. The best ones are the quick cuts to guys at home, surrounded by family and friends as their names get called. I’m a sap, ok? But that heart-warming celebration footage ranks somewhere between videos of unlikely animal pals and those of military family surprise reunions on the Jessica Forrester Cry-o-Meter. I can’t help it.

But guaranteed crying aside, part of the magic of the NFL Draft for me lies in sharing the experience with my fellow fans. Those excruciating few seconds that last about 17 years before the pick is read. The unanimous eruption or shocked gasps (and swearing) that result. As with any significant sports moment, the excitement and emotion of the night are amplified by those around me. And the pizza. The pizza makes it better too.

Enjoy your Draft night, Cleveland.