Hey, hey, hey, Browns fans. It is time for your Browns Friday Fumble! We had a bit of a heart-breaker last week, but if you forget one particularly egregious play your Browns win by 4! So kudos on the big win boys!
Game Recap – Pittsburgh Football
As we mentioned earlier, minus one key play the Browns pretty much won the game on Sunday. This puts them at pretty much on pace to beat last years’ record by a huge margin. The perfomance included trong games from rookie DeShone Kizer, sophmore Corey Coleman, junior Danny Shelton, and senior Christian Kirksey (winner best eyes) who also plays tenor sax in the band. He plans to attend Ashland University this fall where he will major in communications.
Bad news for Browns fans this week, number one overall pick Myles Garrett is still out with his high ankle sprain. Good news for Friday Fumble fans is that means our in-house Maya Angelou is back with another poem from the sideline.
Know Your Foe – Baltimore Ravenclaw
Here are the key figures you need to know on an ever evolving Baltimore Ravens squad, starting with the always vaunted defense.
- Country Legend Brent Urban
- Former Browns running back Terell “Lee” Suggs
- Jazz Fusion maestro Jamalei Correa
- San Diego Charger Eric Weddle
- New York PD Detective Jimmy Smith
- One of the lesser known Koopa Kids Tyus Bowser
On the other side of the ball we’ve got a few new faces amongst the always non-elite Joe Flacco
- 60 Minutes reporter Mike Wallace
- Maker of cheap car stereos Ryan Jensen
- Tool scion Ronnie Stanley
- Elven healer Jermaine Eluemounor
- Painful sore on your foot Nick Boyle
Week 2 Predictions
Dave – The Browns wont make the same mistake twice. They will not have a horrible three and out followed by a blocked punt for a touchdown. This is my lead pipe lock of the week. This exact scenario will not happen. Browns are up against a tough defense, so expect a low scoring contest, Browns win 35-14.
Dylan – DESHONE KIZER, AKA MASTER SPLINTER, AKA THE GREEN (as in Rookie) LANTERN, MR. BEGINNER’S LUCK IS GOING ALL THE WAY TO A VICTORY PARADE THIS SUNDAY OVER THE BALTIMORE MCNULTYS. With more murder investigations than super bowls, the McNuttys are going to have a tough time getting cleared when they go in front of the Browns parole board- McCourty, Boddy-Calhoun, Jamar Taylor, and the honorable Mr. Peppers.
I do want to take a moment real quick across northeast Ohio to mourn the loss of a long-standing tradition in Cleveland: ruining a high-pick rookie quarterback by throwing him into a savior role after a veteran quarterback had mangled the season beyond any recognition already. This tradition has been a staple all along your Cleveland Browns radio network for nigh on two decades, and it is with great significance that we drop the reins in this 2017 season. As philosopher Howie Long once put it: every good thing must surely end someday, I bid thee farewell- sweet prince of viciously draining the last will to succeed out of the 21 year-old athletic marvel that was doomed to take over a commanding role with nigh on zero preparation over a professional footballing organization representing one of the most unforgiving fan bases in all the world over- you will surely be missed.
Anywho – back to matter at hand: Joe Flacco, Elite QuarterMuppet. Joe Flacco rushed for 38 yards for a touchdown in his first start as a rookie in 2008. Since then, he has proven himself to be invaluable in gaining deep Defensive Pass Interference calls to unfathomable advantage, some may even say a BIG FOOTBALL GAME ring, and has apparently forgotten all about his ability to scramble as displayed in his debut. But what’s most notable is that he came through his 2015 offseason full Muppet surgery without any complications. This is the first 100% successful full-Muppet transfer surgery in the United States, and speaks to his fortitude as a human specimen.
Unfortunately, that fortitude has not allowed him to become what the Baltimore McNulty’s nee most this Sunday: an Elite Quarterback. Deshone Kizer chalks his first W on the wall: Browns 26- McNuttys 17
Yazan – Columbus Crew SC over Vancouver Whitecaps 2-1