Hey Hey Hey loyal WFNY readers, it is time for your Browns Friday Fumble!
I know, you are ready to fall on it, but because this isn’t a podcast, no one has yelled that yet. Due the addition of a noise making human to my family, we at the BFF thought it would be best if we typed all of the Browns news you craved instead of pod-casting it. I understand if you are upset that you don’t get to hear our beautiful voices anymore, but don’t worry: You will still be receiving a huge dose of Browns info that your week won’t be complete without.
Editors Note from Dylan: Dave so kindly provided the public-facing version of the story here about the new baby. While that is true, I felt it necessary to be completely transparent with our loyal fan base and let you know that we have been placed under a 30-game suspension from the NSPLA (National Sporting Podcasters League of the Americas) commissioner, Ricky Sandalwood, for unregistered use of “Old Saint Lou” as an attempt to represent the St. Louis Rams. This situation COULD have resolved itself due to the team quite literally moving across the nation to Los Angeles (where we wouldn’t have had to utilize the song for St. Louis anymore), unfortunately Ricky Sandalwood was not swayed by our arguments and upheld the suspension.
Preseason Wrap Up
The Browns wrapped up a successful preseason with a dominating victory over a handful of the Chicago Bears. Kevin Hogan proved that he should really be challenging for the start…sorry, I can’t even really type that without starting to shake. Here’s what we know about a 4-0 preseason: It is better than an 0-4 preseason, but might not be a whole lot better than a 3-1 preseason or a 2-2 preseason. Yazan thinks that it is better than a 1-3 preseason.
The biggest news heading into the Pittsburgh game Sunday is the unfortunate ankle injury to first round pick Myles Garrett. While this means a considerably less-vaunted pass rush for the defense, the silver lining is that we have a temporary feature for you: Myles Garrett’s Poems from the sideline.
Here is the first installment from the Poet Laureate of the Defense:
Know Your Foe – Pittsburgh Football
As we did on the podcast, we break down the opposing team’s roster, so when you are watching the game, you will know what the heck is going on. We can’t cover every single member of the team, but we can point out the ones with silly names. Pittsburgh has always been known for its Steel Cursive Defense™. So lets look at some key players.
- Stephon “do-it” Tuitt
- You, Me and Bud Dupree
- Cleveland Brown, Joe Haden
- Howard Stern alum Artie Burns
- Rage Against the Machine guitarist Anthony Chickillo
Also there are a few players who appear to have fooled the Pittsburgh front office into hiring them based on mistaken identity. T.J. Watt makes his T look like a J when he writes it, and Tyson Alualu was able to mumble enough during his interview that Pittsburgh GM Kevin Colbert thought he said Troy Polamalu.
On the offense, you know that Pittsburgh has weapons like Antonio Brown and Le’Veon Bell, but some of the lesser known Pittsburgh football players look to be contributors.
- Former NBA star Alejandro Villanueva
- Wild West Outlaw Jesse James
- Son of famous broadcaster Lou Dobbs, Joshua Dobbs
- If you need to find Justin, just call the Justin Hunter
- And presented without further comment: JuJu Smith-Schuster
Week 1 Predictions
Dave —The Junkyard Dawgs will be all over Big Ben and the yellow and black offense. The Pittsburgh Football isn’t going to be able to contain our Kizer Chief, he will Never Miss a Beat, he’ll protect the Ruby (football) and when he beats Pittsburgh, 28-14, I Predict a Riot.
Dylan — THIS IS A BONA FIDE, BOISTEROUS BROWNS BLOWOUT, BROUGHT TO YOU BY BJ BELLO, linebacker extraordinaire. Folks, with an undefeated preseason filled with overcoming adversity and dramatic plot-arc resolving in Browns-like winning fashion each and every game, there is little doubt for this sports writer that the Browns will continue their winning ways as they have for decades and blow these Pittsburghianese out of Ohio Edison Field. Browns win by a huge nine-point margin, 26-17
Yazan — The big question for me is if this game is in Cleveland or at the ketchup field? Idk. If it’s in Cleveland we will win because we have another shiny new quarterback, and Pittsburgers do not. Also, The Browns did not want Joe Haden because he wasn’t good enough for us, but the Steelmans took him because he was the best they could get. So based off of that information I have, if the game is in the CLE – Browns win. If the game is at the the ketchup field, also Browns win.