What if all of the Cavs have alter egos? While We’re Waiting

Ty Blue

Remember that time things got weird in Milwaukee?

In case you missed Tuesday night’s game against the Bucks, here’s a quick rundown:

The Cavs lost. To the Bucks. ☹

It was the team’s first time facing former Cav/adorable peanut Matthew Dellavedova. ☹ ☹

Chris “Birdman” Andersen got burned by Thon Maker “The Ankle-Breaker” and fell, which isn’t what birds are supposed to do. ☹

J.R. Smith kind of “forgot” he was playing for a minute, and stepped off the court mid-play to hug Jason Terry, who was sitting on Milwaukee’s bench. This momentary… lapse (?) in judgment resulted in a wide-open Tony Snell, who scored an easy layup. ☹

J.R. then did his post-game interview in character, as a yet-to-be-named, ski-mask-wearing alter ego. ☺☹??

Amidst all this weirdness, I find myself most intrigued by J.R.’s alter ego. This dude is literally shrouded in secrecy. What’s his name? Was J.R. in character all night long? Is his alter ego just really into hugs?

All of this speculation got me wondering—what if the rest of the Cavs have alter egos, too? Tuesday was weird, let’s make Thursday even weirder, shall we?

Joey Smith

The ultimate people-person. Yes, this is a guy who loves to hug. Friends, teammates, opponents… he won’t let anything stop him from greeting his loved ones with a warm embrace. Joey is the guy who starts the group text to make Friday night plans with the squad, and he never, ever cancels.

Sometimes, like after tiring NBA games, Joey gets sleepy and doesn’t really feel like talking—especially to the media. He thinks that should be OK. A huge fan of the Harry Potter series, Joey wishes his ski mask worked like an invisibility cloak. He, like the OG J.R., only wears shirts when he absolutely has to—like during games and when he visits the White House.

Prince James

LeBron James has often said he would have loved to play football at Ohio State University. His alter ego, Prince, actually did. A highly recruited receiver, he lead the team his junior year, racking up 57 receptions for 1,160 yards and 16 touchdowns. Prince helped the Buckeyes bring home a national championship—and then two more.

After college and his football career ended, Prince found success opening a string of Chevrolet Dealerships around Northeast Ohio. His “Pop over to Prince’s!” commercials are famous. Prince got really into R&B rock and is currently spending a lot of time working on his music. He thinks he finally found his sound.

Steve Shumpert

Iman Shumpert is a rapping, dancing, modeling, baby-delivering phenomenon. (Sorry Dos Equis, he might actually be the most interesting man in the world.) So it only makes sense that his alter ego is a mild-mannered accountant named Steve who enjoys a gluten-free diet and loves walking his two cocker spaniels along the shores of Lake Erie.

Steve collects bow ties, probably. Once a week, he and his wife, Deborah, stop at Menchie’s for fat-free frozen yogurt. They hold hands while standing in line.

Doug Love

Doug’s a T-shirt-and-jeans kind of guy. Except when he’s wearing sweatpants, which is often. There’s no Banana Republic in his closet, thank you very much. But you will find plenty of Old Navy Performance Fleece.

Doug has a pet lizard and a girlfriend he met on PlentyofFish.com. They love watching reruns of The Office, and he’s real into Wrestlemania.

Kip Irving

He’s been online, chatting with hot babes all day. Not really, but Kip is a movie buff who lives to quote (and impersonate) his favorite flicks. He bikes to work from his downtown loft and spends more on designer glasses than any one person should. Kip’s a graphic designer, though, so he considers it a necessary business expense.

Kip starting playing the drums as a kid, as still does to this day. He absolutely loves it, although his neighbors absolutely don’t. Either way, he’s got rhythm.

Ty Blue

An aspiring performance artist, Ty spends a lot of time honing his craft. He hopes to someday join the Blue Man Group.

Hope that started your Thursday on a fun (and weird) note.

Have a good one, Cleveland.