The Browns have reduced me to random thoughts: While We’re Waiting…

Happy Misery Monday, you guys. I’m low on time this week, so I’m going to just hit you with a few quick thoughts. Let’s go!

• As much as we were all excited for the NFL season to start, I’m not sure we were all too thrilled about that feeling we have when we saunter in to the office the day after a loss. We’ll have plenty of Browns coverage over the next few days, but man—what the hell was that? I saw a team that looked woefully underprepared for something that every other team has been working toward for weeks. Veterans committing senseless penalties, Pro Bowlers being torn up on the regular… Perhaps Vegas was on to something.
• I hesitate to even mention it, but while the Browns are stomping on our souls, the Cleveland Indians are rattling off all kinds of success. Do they have enough in them to make a 2013-like run, or will they leave us looking back at April and May, wondering what could have been?
• At least we have the Buckeyes? I know Saturday afternoon was “sloppy” and “unimpressive,” but I’ll take 38-0. Michigan State looks really, really good, however. That’s going to be one hell of a game.
• There were fewer things I enjoyed more on Sunday morning than guys like Paul Finebaum telling SEC fans to shut the hell up and worry about their own schedules. Toledo topping Arkansas is just beautiful. Auburn barely squeaking by another low-rent opponent is right up there.
• The Cavaliers are down in Miami for Camp LeBron. No Tristan to be seen, but we do have photographic proof of the rest of the squad. It’s simultaneously weird and great to see Mo Williams back in tow.

View this post on Instagram

Missing a couple but not forgotten. We on a mission! #TheLand #StriveForGreatness

A post shared by LeBron James (@kingjames) on Sep 12, 2015 at 5:18pm PDT

Because you care about my fantasy team:

Trimmed things back to just two money leagues this year. The first, we’ll call “friends”; the second we’ll call “neighbors.”

Friends:

• Big weeks from DeAndre Hopkins and Travis Kelce (Cleveland!) were enough to make up for nothing from DeSean Jackson. Week 1 win is in the books, 119.05-105.5
• Losing TY Hilton for a few weeks could suck, however. I have no depth at wide receiver.
• LeVeon Bell needs to get back here, pronto.

Neighbors:

• Down 30 heading into Monday night’s action (114.5-84.5). I have Adrian Peterson and Cody Parkay; he’s done. There’s a chance.
• If I somehow put up 33 between the two, I win high points for the week. There’s a chance.
• A third of my opponents points came from Chris Ivory and the Jets D. Thanks, Browns.

Feel free to share your wins (Gronk! Witten!) and losses (Dez?!) in the comments

♦♦♦

Sending your hot takes spinning through the air like Josh McCown’s body, here’s this week’s edition of #ActualSportswriting:

“Abraham Almonte embracing his chance with Cleveland Indians after ditching a life of lies, anger and alcohol” by Zack Meisel (Cleveland.com): “The guy in the blue-and-red ‘Superman Jesus’ shirt, shorts and high socks stands at home plate and swats at tosses from his hitting coach. It’s five hours before first pitch and two hours before actual batting practice, but Abraham Almonte can’t afford to rest. His new team is counting on him. His mother and three sisters are counting on him. His wife and two children are counting on him.”¹

“Two weeks in New York” by John Branch (NY Times): “The path to a Grand Slam had been weed-whacked of obstacles, and Serena Williams, maybe the greatest women’s tennis player in history having her greatest season, needed to do nothing more than win two matches against two aging Italian players ranked outside the top 20. But then she got out of the car on Friday in front of Arthur Ashe Stadium three hours before her semifinal match against unseeded Roberta Vinci, ranked 43rd in the world. Patrick Mouratoglou, Williams’s coach, saw the end on her face.”²

“Back to School” by Roger Angell (New Yorker): “A recent study of three thousand New England high-school kids shows that students with B averages or better enjoyed seventeen to thirty-three minutes more sleep and went to bed ten to fifty minutes earlier than students with C averages. Could anything be clearer? So come on, moms and dads or whatever, get those rascals into the percales on time tonight and on weekend nights, too. No exceptions, no excuses. You’ll find no ‘Explain’ box on the S.A.T.s. Got it? No exceptions unless, of course, you happen to be a Mets fan.”³

“Broke” by Spencer Hall (EDSBS): “My dad worked at Wendy’s. He worked there when I was born, and when I was small enough to be photographed wearing a Wendy’s hat and sleeping in his lap, and for a few years after that, too. He’s asleep in most of those photos. I don’t remember what he made or what we drove or how much the rent was, because kids don’t remember those things, and that’s probably a good thing. My mom would tell me about weeks when she had fifteen bucks for groceries, and had to make it work.”⁴

♦♦♦

That’s all for this week. Be good, you guys. Go Browns?

1. I’ve been meaning to link to this for a few weeks now given how well done it is and the subject matter at hand. Zack has quietly been producing quality content like this all season. This piece may have been the best. [↩]
2. Any time a writer spends a sizable amount of time with a subject, it’s bound to get a nod here. Ambition over everything. [↩]
3. Roger Angell is a legend. This piece reminded me of being a teenager in the mid-90s when the Indians kept me up far too late on school nights. [↩]
4. Another week, another piece of commentary. This time, we have the best college football writer in the country hitting us hard with an essay. [↩]