Exam Prep: The Cavs 2014-15 Playoffs

The end of the long NBA regular season has wound down. With the playoffs beginning this weekend it’s time to finally have basketball games of actual consequence. Although the Cleveland Cavaliers have already been through and learned an extraordinary amount since the end of October, all of that instruction was merely preparation for the test ahead. As bad as things became at the end of December, the Cavs couldn’t flunk the season just because a lot of the early-season material seemed to be going over their heads.

Like the end of a grueling course, the Cavs players and fans alike have to be prepared for the impending final exam. You don’t sit through 24 weeks of class just to show up drunk for the final, hoping to successfully plow your way through a semester’s worth of material without throwing up SoCo and pizza all over your ScanTron. That would be madness! (Or freshman seminar.)

Players and fans alike need to be prepared for the task that’s going to decide 90 percent of their grades. It’s time to get serious, slackers. But in order to do so, we need to review—and more than that, to test our knowledge of the subject, so that we may look back at what we learned, reflect, and improve upon our flaws.

Think of this as your exam prep, an opportunity to review the season before the playoffs start. Even if none of us will actually be tested as strenuously as the Cavs players, we fans have a responsibility to know what the hell we’re talking about. Maybe you’ve been diligently attending class all season, taking notes, and turning in your homework like some sort of showoff overachiever. Or maybe you’ve been ditching class to play video games, kick around the hacky sack, and talk about the Browns in February. I get it. You wanted to watch the Cavs games, but then you walk in from a long day of work, and your roommate’s hanging out and listening to Soundgarden, and he’s all like, “Hey, I was about to watch an episode of The Wire, you in?” so you didn’t watch the Cavs. The next thing you know, the semester’s over and you haven’t learned a thing.

That’s okay. Exam reviews always confirmed to the good students that they knew what they were doing while reviewing the material, and provided the only opportunity for the bad students to learn anything. We all want to watch the playoffs. It’s useful either way.

So sharpen your pencils, plant your fanny in a chair, and work your way through this exam preparation guide for the 2014-15 Cavs Playoffs. And don’t cheat, because then (in as condescending and judgmental tone I can muster) you won’t pass the final. Good luck.¹

Question 1 (3 points)

True or False. The Cleveland Cavaliers are a good basketball team. ________.

Answer: True. I tried to start this off with some layups to inspire some confidence, before the questions come out of nowhere and mercilessly swat your answer attempts into the fifth row and wag their finger at you like Dikembe Mutombo. Yes, the Cavaliers are quite good — in fact very good, if you were curious.

Sure, 53 wins isn’t quite as high a total as the 61 in the 2009-10 season, or the gaudy 66 the Cavs had in 2008-09 season; and it’s below the 58-win over/under they were burdened with at the start of the season. But the Cavs have been playing very well of late, they have a great offense, and their 53 wins were sufficient for the second seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs (the weaker, scrawnier of the two conferences), giving them a very favorable path to the NBA Finals.

Question 2 (3 points)

True or False. Kyrie Irving is one of the best guards in the NBA.

Answer: True. There was a persistent din all season outside Cleveland that Kyrie Irving wasn’t a “real” point guard, the implication being, from what I could tell, that he was less of an All-Star because of it? It was relatively confusing. Accusations that he was a ball hog were overblown, his defense has improved, he’s a developing point guard, and all-world scorer. He can contort his way to the rim and shoot threes. Whether you view him as a point guard, a two-guard, a one-and-a-half guard, a zero guard, a hybrid guard, a Neapolitan ice cream guard, or whatever — he’s a guard, and a very good one. Read here for a more in-depth lesson.

Question 3 (4 points)

The best Cavs game of the season was ________________.

A. The three-point victory over the Indiana Pacers on March 20.

B. The nine-point loss to the Atlanta Hawks on March 6.

C. The 23-point loss to the Detroit Pistons on December 28.

D. The three-point victory over the San Antonio Spurs on March 12.

Answer: D. The three-point victory over the San Antonio Spurs on March 12. Although there are a lot of good choices, D. might have been the best regular season game of the year in the entire NBA, and was a Cavaliers classic. If you watch one thing from the Cavs season this year, watch the Cavs-Spurs game. I dare you to not be pumped up for the playoffs after that. Live it, breathe it, inhale it, exhale it, respire it. Okay, maybe those all mean the same thing. This isn’t a science class.

Question 4 (4 points)

Who is your favorite player on the Cleveland Cavaliers?

A. James Jones

B. Matthew Dellavedova

C. JR Smith

D. Timofey Mozgov

Answer: D. Timofey Mozgov, because Timofey Mozgov is your favorite player on the Cavs, even if you don’t know it yet. Have you seen his winter hat? Have you seen his commercials? Have you seen his comparison of catching lob passes to hot dog eating? Have you seen the strike he threw at the Indians game?

Actually, this Cavs bunch has an extremely likable cast of characters (particularly Mozgov, Iman Shumpert, and JR Smith) and even Kendrick Perkins is slightly charming with his scowling and his genuinely humorless anger.

Partial Credit (+3 points): C. JR Smith. JR Smith is a legend and endless source of entertainment in his own right. But even JR Smith can’t compete with the unintentional comedy provided by Mozgov’s general oafishness, the confusion with which he reacts to officiating going against him, his mangled English (and accidental responses in Russian), his dunking, and his awkward celebrations.

Question 5 (3 points)

In or Out. Within the group of individuals who self-identify as Cleveland Cavaliers, Kevin Love is best described as fitting _____.

Answer: In the middle of the season, everyone following the Cavs had to survive a subtweeting controversy in which LeBron James may or may not have been implying that Kevin Love needs to subvert his individual personality for the greater good of the Cavaliers. It was asinine, and for that reason, everyone loses points for having to answer this question. (-2 points for everyone.)

Question 6 (4 points)

The best non-starter on the Cleveland Cavaliers is:

A. Kendrick Perkins

B. Tristan Thompson

C. Matthew Dellavedova

D. Dion Waiters

E. Uhh Lou Amundson? Wait, are these guys even still on the team?

Answer: B. Tristan Thompson. Thompson is an extremely versatile big, who would be an All-Star if he could develop any semblance of an offensive game that doesn’t involve dunking alley oop passes or tip slams. But he’s an incredible pick-and-roll roll man, is one of the best offensive rebounders in the NBA, and can switch onto guards, an invaluable skill. Some would even argue he should be considered for Sixth Man of the Year, though that may have something to do with pro-Canadian bias. -2 points for selecting E. and -100 for selecting D.

Question 7 (5 points)

The Cavs’ season compares most favorably with which of the following movies:

A. Steel Magnolias

B. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

C. Get Shorty

D. Saving Private Ryan 

E. The Big Lebowski

Answer: E. The Big Lebowski.² B. is a good answer of course, but the Lebowski comparisons are too appropriate. The sport of choice for the Dude and Walter is bowling, and the Cavs’ season was so much turned around by a game of bowling that it’s best to think of the Cavs season as two distinct ones: Before Bowling (B.B.) and After Bowling (A.B.). When the Cavs were 19-20, all they had to do to fix everything was say, “Screw it, Dude, let’s go bowling.”

Furthermore, the Cavs season and Lebowski both prominently featured “twirling mustaches” and White Russians (aka Timofey Mozgov). Plus, the Larry O’Brien Trophy would really tie the Quicken Loans Arena together. The Dude spends most of the movie looking for his rug and CCR tapes … and Creedence Clearwater Revival covered Roy Orbison’s “Ooby Dooby.” Think about it! Plus, Donnie? Kevin Love, obviously.

Question 8 (1-5 points)³

Provide a humorous caption for this picture:

Question 9 (10 points)

Put this season’s exaggerated stories in order based on unnecessary media attention received, from most to least overblown:

a. LeBron James calls his own plays sometimes (while neglecting that Kyrie Irving and every competent point guard in the league does, too).

b. LeBron James’ alleged subtweeting about/not about Kevin Love.

c. Kevin Love says he and LeBron James aren’t best friends, and doesn’t pick LeBron James as his MVP.

d. Kevin Love is left out of Instagram photo(s) of teammates.

e. LeBron James spends time in Miami during his injury absence.

f. Tyronn Lue calls timeouts sometimes.

g. David Blatt is on the verge of being fired.

h. Dion Waiters is Muslim.

i. LeBron James gently pushes coach David Blatt during a Phoenix Sun game.

j. Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love “twirling mustaches” during celebration.

Answer: 1.-b., 2.-a., 3.-d., 4.-j., 5.-c., 6.-i; 7.-g; 8.-f; 9.-h; 10.-e. But really, it doesn’t matter what order you put them in. +10 points if you listed ten items, and +2 bonus points if you realized that the Cavs had to endure an absurd amount of overblown stories all season due to a circus of attention and some of the most obnoxious media coverage ever experienced by a professional sports team.

Question 10 (10 points)

In 300 words or less, make a creative argument in favor of a Cavaliers Team MVP for someone other than LeBron James.

Best Answer: Timofey Mozgov. Full Credit given if you mentioned the following:

• Mozgov turned around the Cavaliers defense with his rim protection and willingness to be a great team defender (before: 105.5 defensive rating, 62.7 field goal percentage from less than five feet; after: 102.9 defensive rating, 58.6 field goal percentage from less than five feet). (+2 points.)
• He’s the best center the Cavs have had since Zydrunas, and the best center LeBron James has ever played with (Z was a good offensive center and okay defender, Mozgov is a good offensive center and very good defender) (+2 points.)
• His on-off court stats. The Cavs offense is 5.6 points per 100 possessions better when he’s on the floor than when he’s off, and the Cavs defense is 5.3 points per 100 possessions better when he’s on the floor. (+2 points.)
• He’s shockingly good at running the floor on the fast break. Read my lesson on the Cavs fast break for more. (+1 point.)
• Because he’s a true center, it has allowed Kevin Love and Tristan Thompson to play their actual positions, and not pretend to be centers. (+1 point.)
• He’s a good screener and destructive roll man on the pick-and-roll. (+1 point.)
• Oh, and he reinvigorated LeBron James and resurrected his devotion to the team just by being tall. On the B.S. Report in March, Brian Windhorst said, “[At the team hotel near Golden State,] LeBron was sort of leaning against the wall, sort of still moping, and he saw Mozgov and he just was like, ‘I can’t believe how big he is.’ … [GM David Griffin] tells the story of how LeBron just straightened up to meet him. He came back like four or five days later against Phoenix.” (+1 point.)

Other possible answers that could receive full credit, depending on the creativity/strength of argument presented: Kyrie Irving, GM David Griffin, owner Dan Gilbert, Moondog.

Question 11 (3 points)

True or False. The Cavs should not be worried about the Celtics in the first round of the playoffs.

Answer: True. See what I did there? I used the old, reliable dirty teacher trick of throwing a “not” in there as a mental booby trap. Good for you if you didn’t fall for it. So, yes, the Cavaliers should be unworried about the Celtics. WFNY’s Corey previewed the Celtics on Thursday, as did I several weeks before the Cavs knew they’d be playing them. “The Cavaliers would likely have the two best players on the court at all times, and the Celtics style is exactly the type of up and down series the Cavs should want to play. The Celtics may steal a game, but the Cavs win this series handily as long as they don’t slip on the banana peels on the ground.”

Question 12

True or False. The Cavs will win the NBA Finals.

Whoa whoa WHOA. Don’t answer that question. Let’s save that one for later. Tally up your score and see how you did.

51-54 points: A-League Pass Subscriber

45-50 points: B-Member of the Mark Price Fan Club

40-44 points: C-Fred McLeod Twitter follower

30-40 points: D-LeBrown Who?

<0-30 points: F-Vocal Supporter for Connor Shaw to Start Next Season

The Playoffs start on Sunday. Good luck to Cleveland Cavaliers fans and players alike. Let’s ace it this year.

1. Also, because this is my course, none of these answers are up for debate. Isn’t being an authority figure great? [↩]
2. All of the clips linked to in this answer explanation contain adult language. Engage at your own risk. [↩]
3. Share a comment or self-grade your response. [↩]