Teaching My Son that Life Isn’t Fair

So here’s the scene.  My nephew created a game for himself.  He piled up some blocks as high as they would go and then he would walk across the room with a nerf-ish ball and attempt to knock the blocks down with his new-found ability to throw.  He is a young kid at three, so even if he can really wing the ball across the room, that whole aiming thing is a new challenge that he is eager to undertake.   He missed the first two times.  As he wound for his third attempt, my ten month old son, Ben, crawled over and bashed the tower down.

Ben is the youngest and is really learning the whole mobility thing.  When he knocked down the tower there were six adults in the room cheering him on, clapping, and laughing.  Meanwhile, my nephew just had his game completely ruined.  To add insult to injury, his worst moment (remember he is a very young kid) was being cheered on by six adults.

Six adults had the perspective to know that there is no way a ten month old can have any idea what they are doing let alone the rules to some made up game.  That is much harder for a three year-old to grasp.  As a result, he slammed down a toy in the beginnings of a tantrum and found himself expeditiously ushered into a time out.

My nephew’s parents are really good at their jobs.  When they put their son in time out they explain in detail what he has done to earn the trip to the pokey.  When time out is over, they again engage their son in conversation to make sure he gets why he was being punished before apologizing to any affected parties.  His reply was instructive.

“Do you know why you were in time out?” his mother asked.  “Because Ben knocked my tower down.”  he replied.

I thought that was really hilarious.  First of all, on a technicality, he was right.  The catalyst for his trip to time out was Ben knocking the blocks down.  It just goes to show how difficult it is to teach kids that life isn’t fair.  He got in trouble because he didn’t react well to my son’s affront to his game.  In his mind, he still hadn’t gotten past the part where he felt like the victim.

I was also feeling slight pangs of guilt as one of the adults that carelessly celebrated the ruin of his precious game.  I felt that I had contributory responsibility for the trip to timeout by pouring salt in his three year-old wounds.

Ultimately I was left to realize that I will one day have an occasion (or twenty) to teach my own son that life isn’t fair and that all you can ever do is control your own reactions.  I certainly better find occasion to teach him that lesson before I introduce him to our favorite sports teams.

How many of us walk around like victims because our teams can’t win?  How many of us fight with random people on social media services like Twitter and Facebook?  Ever hurt your foot kicking something after a Browns’ loss to the Steelers?  I have.  Yet, I will be tasked with teaching my son the lesson.

In the end, just like my nephew, all we really have is our reactions to what happens.  Whether we choose to rage, cry, or take it out on others when misfortune strikes, that is completely up to us.  Obviously even from a young age, even with mindful parents, the natural reaction is tantrum.  I never knew how much of my nature I was fighting the majority of Sundays during football season in Cleveland.

So here’s to creating a better brand of sports fan in the next generation. Oh and hopefully not having nearly as many “teachable moments” about how life isn’t fair from our favorite teams in my son’s lifetime.