An Ode To All 12 of Derrick Rose’s Assists

Derrick Rose has less assists than the number of total games the Cavaliers have played.

LeBron James should probably just put that on his resume at GOAT, Inc. “Led the 2017-2018 Cavaliers to a top three offense while starting Derrick Rose at point guard.” Forget the titles, this is a real sign of greatness.

And, yes, Rose has been injured. But his 10.2 percent assist percentage is the lowest of any guard with a usage rate over 25 that plays more than 20 minutes a game. So of players that get a lot of minutes and use a lot of possessions, he is one of the worstiest passers.

So let’s look at each of his twelve assists. I mean, there’s only twelve, it’s not like this will take that long. Maybe we can identify if there is some promise in the plays that Rose is creating, even if they are too scarce.

Assist #1

Alright, hey! Draws the defender and finds the roll man for an easy bucket. Good stuff. He threw a five yard pass to LeBron James so hard I had Derek Anderson flashbacks, but can’t complain about the result.

Assist #2

Everyone gets a few gimmes and it’s pretty hard to find one easier than this. The rebound bounces straight to Rose who just has to toss it to a streaking, wide-open LeBron James. Even still, he hits him in stride, which definitely did NOT remind me of Derek Anderson.

Assist #3

Alright this is a beauty. The spacing with Rose and Dwyane Wade on the floor was always going to be tight, but Rose can penetrate and Wade knows how to sneak along the baseline, so plays like this can help offset the lack of spacing. Perfect. I’m kissing my fingers and saying “MWAH” in a way that Italians should find vaguely offensive.

Assist #4

Passing it to Kyle Korver shouldn’t count as an assist. Especially if Korver has to take a dribble. This is as easy as an assist can be.

Assist #5

OK I take that back. THIS is as easy as an assist can be. Rose literally threw it to Kevin Love as Love crossed half court and he STILL almost screwed that up. Imagine deciding to pass it to your power forward as he crossed half court and then also throwing an awful pass. He screwed up with his brain and with his arms! And he still got an assist out of it. This is stretching the definition of “assisting” but they don’t keep a “hindering” stat.

Assist #6

Oh my gosh he screwed up an alley-ooo to LeBron James. He had a 2-on-1 with the defender in bad position and the most gifted athlete in the history of the universe and it didn’t end in a dunk. It’s almost hard not to throw an alley-ooo to LeBron James. I’m fairly certain Sasha Pavlovic used to shoot actual shots that turned into alley-oops on accident, and Rose couldn’t even do one on purpose. He’s a point guard!

Assist #7

The NBA was so pissed off about that last play that they didn’t even record a video of his seventh assist. It was a pass to J.R. Smith for a three pointer. J.R. Smith is pure and good and so I don’t want to sully his name by talking any trash about Rose here.

Assist #8

LeBron James was going to cut in the lane and dunk on the Washington Wizards so hard that Caron Butler would feel it. But instead Derrick Rose ran in his way and stole the pass. Derrick Rose stole that pass and he also stole that moment from us. He’s a hater of fun. A fun hater. He ended up passing it to Smith for a three which is worth more than the dunk in math but not in our hearts.

Assist #9

Nice play. This is the value of Kyle Korver; the entire Wizards defense is so worried about him they leave LeBron James wide open under the rim like a bunch of dumb idiots. But why does Rose jump whenever he passes? He was just standing there and dribbling, a jumping two-hand over-the-head pass seems a bit much. Rose is 6’3″ and was being guarded by Bradley Beal who is all of 6’5″. What is it going to look like when Isaiah Thomas comes back and our point guard is under 6′ tall? You know what, don’t answer that.

Assist #10

This isn’t an assist. LeBron took like eight steps after he caught that pass. You know when you walk through a door and then realize there is someone behind you and half-heartedly reach your arm out like you were trying to hold the door for them even though you actually didn’t do anything? That’s what this play was for Rose. If passing to LeBron James before he drives to the rim is worth an assist then Mo Williams was John Stockton.

Assist #11

The real person racking up assists is the Cavaliers’ home scorekeeper. Derrick Rose should buy that person a holiday basket.

Assist #12

Like so many disappointing possessions this season, this series ends with a Dwyane Wade fade-away jumper.

That’s it. That’s all of Derrick Rose’s assists this season. Somehow the third best offense in the NBA has been starting a point guard that has less assists on the entire season than LeBron has totaled in three different games already.

So when people try to warn that Isaiah Thomas might not be the same player he was before the injury? That there might be a learning curve? That his offense won’t matter because his defense is bad?

Show them these highlights. It won’t take long.

  • Chris

    My modest expectations have yet to be met. Great idea for a post Jeff.

  • Scoe63

    1. Hey Jeff Nomina, I’ve never heard of you, but the following Basketball 101 lesson is my Holliday gift to you.

    2. Derrick Rose has played approximately 75% of his minutes OFF BALL.

    * Off ball = Rose ISN’T PLAYING POINT GUARD (LeBron is).

    * Off ball = Rose ISN’T THE PRIMARY BALL HANDLER (LeBron is).

    * Isn’t the primary ball handler = THE BALL ISN’T IN HIS HANDS.

    * The ball isn’t in his hands = HOW THE HELL IS HE SUPPOSED TO GET ASSISTS???

    3. Not only is this Basketball 101 lesson good for increasing your Basketball IQ…

    …it also helps those who watch NBA games – but are incapable of properly digesting what the hell they’re watching – develop cognitive skills.

    4. Development of cognitive skills is essential to learning how to “connect the dots.”

    5. For example” The next time you watch Derrick Rose or any other Point Guard who’s position is being HIJACKED by LeBron…

    Your new cognitive skills will make you THINK…

    “Hmmm? Rose is playing OFF BALL, so he’s not really playing Point Guard.”

    “So because the ball isn’t in his hands like NORMAL POINT GUARDS (who doesn’t play with LeBron)…

    …it’s IMPOSSIBLE for him to get assist!”

    6. Now, your friends will think that you’re a genius!

    You’re welcome in advance and Happy Holidays!

  • ViewFrom216

    Derrick Rose has a usage rate of 25.1 right now. He has the ball in his hands all the goddam time. Kevin Love has a better assist ratio and AST/TO ratio than Rose with a lower usage rate.

    The fact that you have wasted this amount of space with garbage analysis is insulting.

  • Scoe63

    1. Tsk tsk tsk…

    Oh ye of little Basketball IQ…

    … I hear your cry for more information.

    2. RHYTHM, means EVERYTHING to a natural Point Guard.

    3. Kyrie Irving said that he no longer wanted to play with LeBron because he was forced OFF BALL and therefore couldn’t establish a RHYTHM!

    4. Kyrie Irving’s USAGE RATE was 30.2 (as compared to Rose’s 25.1).

    * 30.2 usage rate, yet Kyrie was unhappy.

    5. Why was Kyrie Irving unhappy when he had a 30.2 usage rate YOU ASK?

    * Because establishing a RHYTHM means EVERYTHING to a natural Point Guard – not just getting touches whenever LeBron is ready to give you the ball.

    6. Yes my low basketball IQ friend – there is a difference between getting touches (usage rate) and being able to ESTABLISH A RHYTHM!

    * And I say again… establishing a RHYTHM means EVERYTHING to a NATURAL POINT GUARD!

    7. Now, this probably still doesn’t make sense to you…

    …because you TWITTER FINGERS have never seriously played the sport…

    …and that’s understandable.

    8. However, I can’t allow you to discrace the SCIENCE OF STATISTIC by misrepresenting statistics to steer the under educated and gullible to your DEAD END conclusion.

  • Scoe63

    9. “Some people (like you) use statistics like a drunk uses a lamppost.”

    * Hence, your amateurish attempt to apply a statistic (usage rate)…

    …to a sport, Player, and situation which you have very limited knowledge…

    …in order to stagger your way to your faulty/wrong conclusion…

    Would be comical if ACADEMIA wasn’t so important.

    10. Advise:

    #1. Take a college level statistics class (or three) before you further embarrass yourself online – for all eternity to examine.

    #2. Lay off the Sports talk radio/television.

    * Besides Hall of Fame Sports Journalist Sam Smith – 99% of today’s NBA Sports Journalist know even less about basketball than you…

    …and like you, they also don’t actually watch the games…

    Or don’t possess a high enough Basketball IQ to properly digest what the hell they’re watching.

    11. You’re welcome in advance!

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  • quake samuel

    When rose gets the ball most the time its late in the clock ppl have to watch games and dont judge a player by recorded stats

  • disqus_1kAOkV8Rh1

    i think the comments below prove that so many journalists covering the game just write up based on Stats without real world experience. and come on man this is a game which is televised and can be rewatched to really see why rose/kyrie any other point guard with lebron has a similar fate. useless writeup

  • Scoe63


  • Scoe63