In a mere few hours, the Cleveland Browns will be unleashed on America, facing off against AFC North divisional foe Baltimore Ravens on NBC’s nationally broadcast Thursday night game.
When they do it, they’ll be decked out in head-to-toe white. The team made the announcement earlier this week on Twitter:
— Cleveland Browns (@Browns) November 8, 2016
Throughout the season, NFL teams have been wearing what the League calls “Color Rush” uniforms for Thursday night games. That’s a uniform made up of one solid color from top to bottom, designed to add energy and excitement (I guess?) to the game that kicks off each week.
When the League originally unveiled each team’s Color Rush look, the Browns were slated to wear a brown-on-brown-on-brown combination. That uniform was scrapped, however, when it was deemed too close to the all-purple look the Ravens will be wearing.
Of course. We can’t have nice things, so it was the Browns who had to change their plans. Although I’m not sure head-to-toe brown is the best look for anyone, so maybe it worked out for the best.
I’m calling this look the “Pathetic Pasties,” for several reasons. First, the all-white ensemble is giving me straight-up Elmer’s Glue vibes. Second, I imagine at times, our players are going to look like they’re stuck in glue on the field. Finally, let’s be honest, they’re going to get completely pasted by the Ravens, right? (And by that, I don’t mean completely drunk—I mean completely outscored).
Good luck to the Browns tonight, and good luck to our nation for having to watch after such an exhausting week.
A reminder of what the Browns have worn—and how they’ve played—this season.
Week 9: The Cookie Crumbles
Result: L vs. Dallas Cowboys, 35-10