We’re going to have *that* here: While We’re Waiting
October 10, 2016Pryor offense: Terrelle Pryor is only Brown who is “untouchable”
October 10, 2016There’s an old Saturday Night Live skit where it starts at what appears to be a high school (maybe college) track meet. When there is a break in action, almost as if it was halftime, the skit cuts to a locker room where the track coach, played by Bob Saget, is surrounded by his team, which consists of individuals like Chris Farley, Michael McKean, Tim Meadows, and Kevin Nealon. Saget gets his team together and acknowledges how great the opponent is, and his words of wisdom are to “run fast.”
The viewers do not get to see the opposition, but a quick look at the team in front of us provides a mixture of lithe and rotund and feeble and weathered—the opposition would matter little as this collection was bound to be overmatched by the weakest of peers. They all gather on two benches, facing one another, attempting to regain their composure and prepare for what was in store.
His advice for one member? Run faster than the other guy. His inqury of a young, aloof Adam Sandler?
“Why didn’t you run fast?”
“I forgot?” Sandler would shrug.
As Saget goes through his entire spiel, giving the definitions for each letter of his acronym FAST—Fast, Attitude, Speed, and Team—Farley, complete with a Fu Manchu goatee and chop-style sideburns, stands up and says, “Coach. Didn’t you say at the beginning of the season that we should be really ‘fat?'” When Saget replies with, “No…I said ‘fast,'” all Farley can do is say “Oh. Damn.”
LOSER: Cody Kessler
The keys to Kessler’s success in this game was going to be in navigating the passing game to a point that would stretch the field enough to set up the run—an area of focus for the Bill Belichick-led defense of the Patriots. While Kessler was reasonable in his efforts (a third down pass to Terrelle Pryor led to a pinpoint touchdown pass to Andrew Hawkins), his decision to attempt a backward pass to Duke Johnson, leading to a safety, had “third-string rookie” written all over it.
Kessler also had two decisive variables going against him in that Tom Brady threw for 400 yards on the other side of the field, and the USC product would leave with an injury. He looked comfortable in spurts behind center, but quarterbacks in the NFL need to string together 60 minutes of nearly perfect play if they want to ever achieve a modicum of the success that Brady has in New England. The juxtaposition here does the kid zero favors.
LOSER: Hue Jackson
The Cleveland Browns, on Sunday, were the largest underdogs throughout the entire NFL for Week 5 despite playing at home. There was a decided disadvantage at quarterback, play-making options on offense, defensive scheme, and special teams. The game (and coverage that preceded it) was very similar to those early-week NCAA games where Kent State travels to Columbus for an ass-whooping and a Happy Gilmore-sized check. When the loss occurs, it isn’t a referendum on the lesser team’s coach as much as it is the chasm that exists between two teams which happen to exist in the same division, if only on paper. The only difference on Sunday was there was not an institution to reap the benefits and the paying customers (those who didn’t sell their tickets) were forced to endure an absolute demolition.
There was little Jackson could have done differently, but this was easily the first week in the last three where the Browns didn’t even register on the entertaining scale. This was a front-to-back beating with little to show in the way of ostensible reward.1
LOSER: Ray Horton
There was one moment in Sunday’s game where CBS commentator Trent Green tried to give Horton credit for the placement of the sun on a swing pass to Julian Edelman where the receiver had the ball deflect off of his hands. At that point, it was just the second incomplete pass on a day where Tom Brady completed 13-of-15 passes to go with two touchdowns.
https://vine.co/v/5gEXr2Zt65x
This Cleveland Browns team is rife with poor tacklers, continues to get destroyed by tight ends, and cannot stop a screen pass if they were allowed in the offensive huddle prior to the snap. Much like Jackson, this isn’t entirely his fault as his roster was decimated prior to Week 1, but at least Hue puts his guys in a position to succeed. Horton puts his guys in a position to be on the wrong side of countless highlights.
WINNER: Andrew Hawkins
During a stretch where the NFL issued yet another edict on touchdown celebrations and has since attempted to fine teams for sharing highlights on social media channels, Hawkins had the perfect, robotic response to a league that continues to focus on all of the wrong things.
https://vine.co/v/5g3rZWig93K
LOSER: The NFL
This, however, isn’t taunting.
https://vine.co/v/5g3v2VQ5gXQ
LOSER: Charlie Whitehurst
Does this count as a means to obtain Corey Barnes’ Sixteen for ’16? With Kessler being the latest of Browns starting quarterbacks to sustain a shoulder injury, Whitehurst came in, delivered a strike on his first pass attempt and then quickly turned in to Charlie Whitehurst. Thirteen of his 22 aimed passes were thrown within ten yards of the line of scrimmage, putting a gigantic lid on top of the team’s ability to close the gap that was there from the early onset.
WINNER: Cleveland 19/WOIO
When Charlie Whitehurst took the field midway through the second quarter, many in the Cleveland area lost signal due to what CBS’ local affiliate, the former 19 Action News, called technical difficulties. While this would normally be inexcusable in 2016, they handled it in the best way possible.
Update: The Browns are still losing. https://t.co/fgyZNDXse3
— Cleveland 19 News (@cleveland19news) October 9, 2016
You're welcome? Sorry. Should be back up soon. (We're still losing.) https://t.co/32NDxtYegx
— Cleveland 19 News (@cleveland19news) October 9, 2016
Another New England touchdown. Bet you wish we were having technical difficulties again … #nevscle
— Cleveland 19 News (@cleveland19news) October 9, 2016
WINNER: Terrelle Pryor
When Kessler and Whitehurst both went down, the Browns turned to the player who not only led the team’s pre-game huddle—you know, a role typically saved for superstars—but the one who is allegedly their only non-tradeable asset.
Per source, Terrelle Pryor is the only player on #Browns that is absolutely untouchable. They'll trade any All-Pro, not him. Value too high.
— Courtney Fallon (@CourtneyFallon_) October 9, 2016
While I’m unsure who wrecks two cars and then decides to take out the Benz, I’m also unaware of what other options existed. That the team’s best receiver has to step in to fill in the embarrassing hole at quarterback in the middle of a blowout speaks volumes to what this kid is willing to do for this team. Extend. Him. Yesterday.
WINNERS: Joe Thomas, Joel Bitonio
The Browns may have watched their quarterbacks drop like flies, but it wasn’t the fault of these two who were once again studs in the passing game. That said…
LOSER: Browns Run Blocking
There’s not much you can do when Bill Belichick schemes against you, but when your best block of the day was from Demario Davis, you have issues.
https://vine.co/v/5g36AV9vK7I
And now, the fans…
– winners – Browns fans that sold their tickets to Pats fans for a profit (I hope)
— bdschorr (@bdschorr) October 9, 2016
I hope to type this every week Winners: Browns Draft position, A Philly loss finally. Losers: Tribe fans hoping for a Sweep today
— Csparrow12 (@csparrow12) October 9, 2016
Winner: Me. I had Bennett on my fantasy team this week. Loser: Browns QBs
— King (@BlkGhostKing) October 9, 2016
you might have to hand out participation trophies instead of winners moving forward
— Dan Hagley (@Fishead015) October 9, 2016
Winners: Any free agent QB who didn't sign with the Browns. Losers: Anyone who didn't receive free tickets to the game.
— Steven Kubitza (@kubitzawrites) October 9, 2016
Loser: Clipboard Jesus. If he really was the son of God he couldve healed himself
— Max Johnson (@maximusjohnson) October 9, 2016
winner: none. Losers: anyone celebrating a sack when they are down by 20.
— Michael (@crobarred) October 9, 2016
W:WOIO (giving fans brief respite)
W:Kessler (1 TD in 2 drives)
W:Pryor ($$$ for 2017 UFA)
W:Browns Run-D
L:Tribe game postponed— michael bode (@mgbode_WFNY) October 9, 2016
https://twitter.com/jworn330/status/785236615576842241
https://twitter.com/butcher98/status/785257124360093696
winners: the Patriots fans for seeing the only Boston W of weekend. Losers: @Browns fans that paid for that. And the Red Sox.
— Inglourious Bradford (@IngloriusBrdfrd) October 9, 2016
winners: fans of fall yard work. Losers: those who paid for season subscription to Sunday Ticket up front just to watch Browns.
— CLE Coloring Book (@CLEsportsBummer) October 9, 2016
- It’s worth stating that Jackson’s decision to go for a two-point conversion after the Browns’ second touchdown was undoubtedly the wrong move. The touchdown brought them within 17; an extra point would have made it 16—or two touchdowns. Missing the conversion kept the Browns at 17—or three scores. Math should never be trumped by likelihood. It’s math. [↩]
82 Comments
yes, tis the season. But have to keep myself on a virtual choke collar to promote the continuous character development until you die thing. Whoops, until I die … I die (see?).
Don’t know why I’m going down this road again (probably because I’m close to being certifiably insane), but . . . .
1) Mack. Was. Not. Re-signing. With. The. Browns. No, not ever. Dude was inexorably gone, Ghandi, outtahere. He was irrevocably making like a bread truck and hauling buns.
2) Mitchell Schwartz – even if he didn’t have one foot out the door and the other tied to the first – is not the reason the Browns are 0-5, nor is he the reason all of our QBs are hurt. He’s probably not the reason that ANY of them are hurt. He’s a right tackle.
They’ll spend that cap money this year, or I’ll eat my hat.
For the record, I’m not calling for a change in the front office. I applaud a lot of what they’ve done, especially in terms of acquiring future draft picks. I also agree with the trade down, liked the draft, and appreciate their commitment to those young players.
That said, there’s no reason they couldn’t have spent some money to improve the bottom third of this roster. Not doing so has made it harder for those young guys to develop, as they’re playing next to practice squad guys who shouldn’t even be on the field.
Outside of guaranteeing us the 1st pick, I don’t see how losing helps this franchise. I don’t see how being miles behind teams in the talent department builds for the future. We can talk about young players getting experience, but I’m not sure what value there is in the experience of getting creamed like Kessler did. I like the guy and worry that he’ll be broken by the end of the season.
That was a threat, wasn’t it!?!?!
(Thank you. Anymore, my blood pressure goes down as the intensity of the discourse heats up. I blame/credit Jeb Bush.)
good post … i just pray that all this pays-off & we’re flirting with a winning record in 2018 & a division title in 2019.
I wouldn’t say “never”, but yes the likelihood of Mack returning was very much near zero. But it’s not really about him (or Schwartz, for that matter). It’s about spending some of the tens of millions in cap space (most of which won’t transfer to 2017) on building a roster that’s at least adequate.
I’m not even sure who we have that’s worth spending that cap room on.
keeping guys like starks , dansby , whitner & bowe might’ve given us some veteran leadership & we may win a few games … but instead of sitting , nassib , ogbah , schobert , kindred & c.coleman will get actual playing time … the playing time may be more valuable than playing with some veterans who’ve seen better days.
okay , i left out Mack & Schwartz … i think Mack wanted out long ago & i think we all wanted Schwartz to stay.
I hope it works out too. Guess we’ll see. We’re positioned well in terms of picks. Just hope Sashi and company are as skilled at building a roster as they are at trading away the parts of one.
http://toons.artie.com/alphabet/numbers/arg-exclaim-50.gif
Okay. I’ll accept it. Fair point. But then the question is, who should they have signed? If there’s a complaint that they Browns didn’t go out and get some guys, there has to be some names associated with those notional guys. Who? I seem to recall most FAs in the last couple of years avoiding Cleveland like it’s Fallujah. When guys don’t want to come here, you end up spending money on guys that aren’t worth being anywhere, which gets you nowhere and may actually end up hurting the team in the long run.
I’m okay that they didn’t throw good money at bad solutions, though I acknowledge that it might have added a notch or two to the win total this year (for what that’s worth). I’m still convinced that there is a plan in place that includes the right FA signings at the right time. We’re still less than a year into this thing, and only 5 games played on the field.
Yeah, I agree. I’m glad they’re getting playing time. But having some depth along with guys who’ve proven they can play in the NFL wouldn’t have meant that the rookies would be riding the pine. They’d still be out there and still getting reps. There’s a balance to be had.
i would only add that RGIII took on a tackler on the sideline for his injury … i’d blame it on him … and it’s no secret McCown holds on to the ball too long , his may’ve just been a matter of time.
i’m not trying to sugar-coat it , everything can’t be blamed on the O-line.
Hope you also found time to look through a few Binders of Women
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDKotlu_CQE
Well said. Team Apathy is…a little…uh, sad…to lose you.
Okay. That just makes me want to break something.
dance?
After reading that Bloomberg article I was reminded of Nietzsche’s famous aphorism: “When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back into you”
If you’re the front office, why not attempt the holy trinity: Vickers at Fullback, Tebow at H-Back, Clipboard Jesus at QB?
Yeah, sorry humboldt. I’m gonna miss our non-meetups. I was going to organize my own going-away party, but I doubted anyone would come. The thought of which made me mad.
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wOsWfzzvlkU/hqdefault.jpg
Off the top of my head, Alex Boone. Yes, there’s a question about what he and guys like him would have cost.
We both agree that throwing good money at bad solutions should be avoided. I think I just have a different opinion about the problems those bad solutions would have solved. I didn’t want free agents because they’d be building blocks for the future or to win games. I wanted them so we could be competent enough to provide a space for our young guys to actually develop and not go through the physical and mentally misery of a lost NFL season.
Alex Boone and Terrelle Pryor, reunited. Hoo boy.
If I must . . . .
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs4/1534307_o.gif
who. knew.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW57K1_Xhqs
nice try, Billy Bush. Not getting me on record binding women.
Question for the group: Every game I watch, I hear analysts say all sorts of great things about Danny Shelton, and I’ve noticed him once or twice a game making a play. Otherwise, though, he’s been invisible. Am I just not watching the games correctly or are the analysts just bad at their jobs?
I’d be fine with a Haloti Ngata-type run stuffer who takes up blocks and doesn’t get mentioned, but I’m not really seeing anything to warrant such a glowing review.
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That was really rough. Leads to way too many beers and a difficult sunday night.
Winner: Whitehurst, avoids back of The Jersey.