File this one under “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up,” because the Cleveland Browns have announced their plans to wear—wait for it…—all brown on Sunday.
That’s correct. When the 0-4 Browns play host to the 3-1 New England Patriots with Tom Brady, fresh off of a four-week suspension and just raring to rejoin the league, they’ll be dressed like… Do I even have to say it?
— Cleveland Browns (@Browns) October 6, 2016
Of the full spectrum of jersey/pant/sock combinations available to this team, I honestly thought it’d be several more weeks before desperation drove us to this questionable combo. Lesson learned: Never underestimate the bad decisions this team can make.
So how, exactly, did the Browns decide on this ill-advised, brown-on-brown-on-brown look? Here are some things overheard in the team’s wardrobe department, probably:
“I don’t know, Earl… This season has been a shit storm. We might as well dress like one.”
“So… Tom Brady’s coming off a four-week suspension and probably kind of pissed about it? And he’s playing us? Sounds like the shit’s hitting the fan, Bob. We might as well dress like it.”
“It looks just like a Tootsie Roll. Or a turd. Depends on the mood you’re in, I guess.”
“National Taco Day was this past Tuesday. Maybe we should dress the team like ground beef to celebrate?”
After digging back through the WFNY archives, this Jersey Girl was shocked to see that the Browns actually wore this combination quite early last season—a 27-20 home loss to the Oakland Raiders in Week 3. I don’t know why I don’t remember that. I guess I blacked out. I mean… Browned out.
This season, I’ve gotten into the habit of naming the uniform combination the Browns are planning to wear each week. This week is particularly challenging, simply because the possibilities are so endless. Here’s the thing, though, I’m 12 and this team is wearing all brown. Kind of have to “go for it,” right? Let’s use it as an opportunity to pay homage to the Browns’ head coach, who is trying his hardest to bring Cleveland a win at home. With that, this look has to be known as “Poo Jackson.” It just has to. Sorry Hue.
Here’s a reminder of the Browns’ uniform looks—and their record—so far this season: