Oh boy: Browns wearing all brown against the Patriots

via @Browns

File this one under “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up,” because the Cleveland Browns have announced their plans to wear—wait for it…—all brown on Sunday.

That’s correct. When the 0-4 Browns play host to the 3-1 New England Patriots with Tom Brady, fresh off of a four-week suspension and just raring to rejoin the league, they’ll be dressed like… Do I even have to say it?

Of the full spectrum of jersey/pant/sock combinations available to this team, I honestly thought it’d be several more weeks before desperation drove us to this questionable combo. Lesson learned: Never underestimate the bad decisions this team can make.

So how, exactly, did the Browns decide on this ill-advised, brown-on-brown-on-brown look? Here are some things overheard in the team’s wardrobe department, probably:

“I don’t know, Earl… This season has been a shit storm. We might as well dress like one.”

“So… Tom Brady’s coming off a four-week suspension and probably kind of pissed about it? And he’s playing us? Sounds like the shit’s hitting the fan, Bob. We might as well dress like it.”

“It looks just like a Tootsie Roll. Or a turd. Depends on the mood you’re in, I guess.”

“National Taco Day was this past Tuesday. Maybe we should dress the team like ground beef to celebrate?”

After digging back through the WFNY archives, this Jersey Girl was shocked to see that the Browns actually wore this combination quite early last season—a 27-20 home loss to the Oakland Raiders in Week 3. I don’t know why I don’t remember that. I guess I blacked out. I mean… Browned out.

This season, I’ve gotten into the habit of naming the uniform combination the Browns are planning to wear each week. This week is particularly challenging, simply because the possibilities are so endless. Here’s the thing, though, I’m 12 and this team is wearing all brown. Kind of have to “go for it,” right? Let’s use it as an opportunity to pay homage to the Browns’ head coach, who is trying his hardest to bring Cleveland a win at home. With that, this look has to be known as “Poo Jackson.” It just has to. Sorry Hue.

Here’s a reminder of the Browns’ uniform looks—and their record—so far this season:

Week 1: The Crabby Creamsicles
Jersey: White
Pants: Orange
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Philadelphia Eagles, 29-10

Week 2: Blandy Corn
Jersey: White
Pants: Brown
Socks: Orange
Result: L vs. Baltimore Ravens, 25-20

Week 3: The Brown ‘n’ Outs
Jersey: Brown
Pants: White
Socks: Orange
Result: L @ Miami Dolphins, 30-24 (OT)

  • Chris

    I’m just looking forward to the solid Construction Orange combo with reflective lettering.

  • CB Everett

    Looks like someone’s leaving skidmarks all over the field on Sunday.

  • NankirPhelge

    So not only has football become a fashion show, now it’s a bad fashion show.

    Are they going to roll out the brown carpet?

  • RGB


  • BenRM

    I like it!

  • jpftribe

    .@Ozz68 I love it! #orange2016 pic.twitter.com/Ufvt2QHpJL— Jose Ramirez (@MrLapara)

  • bossman09

    Is this article serious?

  • Clearly.

  • tigersbrowns2

    me too … this is my favorite .

  • tigersbrowns2

    ummmm , JESSICA … you are of the fairer sex & have a different sense of fashion … this is the best looking uni combo they have … you’ll get used to it.

  • tigersbrowns2

    and here are the 9 different uniform combos … have we worn them all ???? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/48400a4ecdf459ed15d220662c6fef9ba00f4e2b8476ba4ff5d33d86769a5a05.jpg

  • tigersbrowns2

    wait … the uni 2nd from the left has orange socks … so , there must be more than 9.

  • tigersbrowns2
  • tigersbrowns2

    i like these …

  • tigersbrowns2

    “the crabby creamsicles” will no longer work …. brighter orange. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6f8a23febefbdc2d8adc8c740fac15dfeb10d0697318b917be6560cb9b4f577b.jpg

  • Nine combinations of jersey/pants. Twenty-seven once you factor in socks. #Math

  • tigersbrowns2

    yeah , math … i’ve heard of it … thank you , sir.

  • Pat Leonard

    “Poo Jackson”. YES.

  • BenRM

    Hooray! I am not alone!

  • Cleveland_Rocks

    I like the all brown look. Once you go Brown,….

  • Du

    Honestly, I don’t get why the all brown is so bad or everyone makes such a big deal about it. No one would give two ***** if they were actually good and wore all brown. I actually like this look somewhat…the helmet stands out much more. Put me in the minority I guess.

  • mgbode

    I think they should invert the brown and orange on the helmet for this game and truly go “All Brown” for “Poo Jackson”

  • mgbode

    if you get rid of the white stripe up the side on the jersey, they are nice.

  • Sam Gold

    Meanwhile, back in the seventh grade, all is well.

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