10-star Monday: Urban Meyer’s Buckeyes gearing up for Week 1
August 23, 2016Under the C: Indians-A’s & An Ode to Steve Karsay
August 24, 2016Mornin’ y’all. Since our last episode of the popular game show Rational, Snark, or Conspiracy, #TeamRational has been embroiled in turmoil. The fissures led to a civil war, which ultimately left the team with #TeamSunnyside and #TeamStormclouds. Both teams bred from the same rational roots. Three is a better number than four though, so we’ll leverage their demands for equal time in our game today.
I hope this post finds you in the highest of spirits with the wind forever at your back, while you sit back and enjoy the latest episode of Rational! Snark! or Conspiracy!
Here’s how we play
Each scenario is given three answers in three separate categories. The conspiracy category is for anyone thinking of wearing a tin foil hat with all these WiFi signals floating around as the government might be reading our minds. The snark category is for anyone needing a defense mechanism to get through yet another losing season for the Cleveland Browns. The rational category is for any fan actually still able to analytically dissect the latest Browns rebuild despite everything else.
Important to note: All comments in the conspiracy and snark categories are completely unconfirmed and have no specific intimate knowledge other than what is in the public sphere.
Any of the answers might be correct or they might all prove to be completely off-base. It is up to you to decide and post in the comments.
Let’s get started…
The Harvard Brain Trust
#TeamRational: The Cleveland Browns were looking for a market inefficiency and decided that fully investing in intelligent individuals to run their player acquisitions through analytics as a vetting process was the way to go. So, the hiring of Paul DePodesta (Chief Strategic Officer) and Andrew Berry (Vice President, Player Personnel) along with the promotion of Sashi Brown to de facto general manager was wise. While success is not guaranteed, the process being followed is good.
#TeamConspiracy: The Ivy League alums had already infiltrated the world of MLB. Now, they are establishing their network throughout the NFL with the Browns masthead a demonstration of their power. Good luck obtaining a high-level job and salary without an Ivy League degree in the NFL!
#TeamSnark:
*clears throat*
Hiring of Hue Jackson to be head coach
#TeamRational: Hue Jackson somehow won eight games with the 2011 Oakland Raiders during his lone year at the helm in the NFL. He was run out of town due to an overreaction and some power plays being made by Mark Davis after Al Davis passed. Jackson is still praised throughout league circles for his ability to both motivate and the general depth of knowledge he has about the game. If nothing else, he gives an aura of legitimacy to a franchise sorely needing it.
#TeamConspiracy: Jimmy Haslam is a smart man. Who better to throw off the tankful tankiness of the tanking Browns than Hue Jackson who has a ton of national respect and doubles-down with some real sweet talk to the media?
#TeamSnark: Ray Horton Jr. and Louis Cioffi are back in Cleveland after a one-year stay under Rob Chudzinski. Who here is excited to watch opposing teams gain huge chunks of yardage on the ground and convert third downs with ease?
Veteran Exodus
#TeamRational: Alex Mack, Mitchell Schwartz, Travis Benjamin, Tashaun Gipson, Karlos Dansby, Donte Whitner, Craig Robertson, Jim Dray, and Randy Starks are gone from the 2015 three-win roster. Those players have been replaced though some more capably than others. Creating holes where no holes previously existed only made the total rebuild job that much more difficult for the Browns front office. And, if Cameron Erving, Austin Pasztor, and such players do not fill in aptly, then they are going to hear about it. Loudly.
#TeamConspiracy: Jimmy Haslam continues to not sign our own players to second contracts, barely dip into free agency, and operate the team way, way beneath the cap in a league with massive revenue sharing. HA-SLAW-Mmmms R CHEEP! should be a rally cry, yet most of the city remains silent. Mind control is the only explanation.
#TeamSnark: The right side of our offensive line is going to get someone killed, young receivers will run the wrong routes, and I am sure the young players will develop great habits in a three-win season with no veterans to set the non-gameday standards. Yeah, everything is fine!
Draft Day Youth Influx
#TeamRational: If the Browns are committed to their analytical front office, then they are committed. Trading down from No. 2 overall pick, then again from the No. 8 overall pick in order to both obtain additional assets in 2016 and beyond was the smart play. Not only do the moves help the future overall talent acquisition for the Browns, but having more youth (including 14 drafted players) that needs to develop can help increase the value of the future draft assets a they become higher draft selections.
#TeamConspiracy: Do not be fooled. The 2016 Cleveland Browns are tanking by definition of purposefully not fielding a roster capable of winning more than a handful of games. Whether or not it is being done by a former Las Vegas showgirl attempting to move the team to a warmer climate is not known. Be assured, in time, all will be revealed.
#TeamSnark: Can we fast-forward to when Jimmy loses his patience, fires everyone, and starts from scratch again?
Preseason Football
#TeamRational: There are a ton of meaningful camp battles along with some interesting subplots running. In fact, the Browns have one of the more intriguing camps due to so many potentially high-performing players who have not played meaningful football in quite some time. Will Joe Haden return to his dominant cornerback form? What will Josh Gordon look like after years away from the NFL? And, then there is the Robert Griffin III question at quarterback.
Also, can Justin Gilbert or Barkevious Mingo shed the draft bust label in what should be their final chance? How about Cameron Erving? Will the Browns platoon their right tackle position? And, all those young wide receivers fighting to make the roster.
#TeamConspiracy: Alex Mack spent the last three years of his career attempting to escape from Cleveland. Kyle Shanahan poured gasoline on Berea and lit it up with a 32-slide presentation to force his exit and start the fall of the Pettine era. Both returned wearing enemy colors of black and red. They spent hours within the confines of Cleveland Brown Stadium. No issues have been reported. Yet. However, all Clevelanders who are paying attention fully expect to hear of a Jason Grimsley style story to emerge.
#TeamSnark: Oh, you mean those meaningless games the NFL charges full price so fans can see the starters stand on the sidelines while a bunch of nobodies that will struggle to make the cut in the Arena Football League run into each other?
January 2016 Team Rosters
Anomander – Free Agent
Team Rational
- nj0
- Pat Leonard
- Bryan
- tigersbrowns2
- B-bo
Team Conspiracy
- Hopwin
- Garry_Owen
- chrisdottcomm
- saggy
- Brews and Bones
Team Snark
- CB Everett
- The_Real_Shamrock
- Sam Gold
- RGB
- Dave
82 Comments
i went to the entire youtube clip after googling “what happened to the watermelon in the face slingshot girl?”
it’s awesome.
Obviously, there was some tricky editing because I’m sure they didn’t want to show her getting KTFO on tv. And when the coach says, “You have to finish,” oh that was awesome. #Lawsuit #TeamConspiracy
great column , MG … great gifs … i can’t stop staring at the chick getting plastered by the watermelon.
thanks. it was literally the first thing that came to mind when thinking of what to look for that one too.
Where has the loyalty gone in sports-message-board-alliances?
For my money it’s still the old boat wreck tsunami to the face.
http://giphy.com/gifs/crash-person-boat-jTyPZ0KnW6bEk
Someone made that better by syncing it with Lil Jon. What song would be perfect for watermelon face?
Ah, got it
Seven Nation Army almost syncs up the drum beat with the facial…
Wow, the driver got dropped like a bag of dirt.
Watching Mr. Clean work that accelerator like a boss until his brain decides to turn out the lights is why this video (the version synced up to Turn Down for What?) will be in the Louvre one day.
Oh man.. so much to love on this one.
1) I love how the guy’s sunglasses fly off his head, bounce off the window, and stay in the boat.
2) I love how the blond (of all people) was the one with enough awareness to hold on to something.
3) I love that I didn’t see any spilled beer.
4) I love how rock-solid that GoPro mount was
Things I hate…
1) I hate how this was cut short, because it looked like someone fell on the throttle levers.
Naw, it’s out there in all its glory…
Here is the Lil John version (my favorite): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kz8rjZiADts
and here is the full version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp50CSUKBbc
Still firmly #TeamRational, but I completely respect Team Snark when it comes to preseason football (I work within a mile of Raymond James Stadium, and I’m still not bothering to go see the Browns play there Friday night) and Ray Horton’s defense, which…
http://i.makeagif.com/media/11-21-2014/g2uV6y.gif
So, our No 1 or Philly’s for Bosa? Discuss amoungst your teams. Apathy could care less which.
Referring back to my previous comment, the HBT didn’t draft Wentz at 2 and signed my preferred FA QB, but that said Im not expecting anything (except a team of 6 win talent to luck into 8 wins, a wildcard and a superbowl, followed by darfting joey bosa after he forgets to sign with the chargers!)
Oh who am I trying to kid I just want to watch this”those meaningless games the NFL charges full price so fans can see the starters stand on the sidelines while a bunch of nobodies that will struggle to make the cut in the Arena Football League run into each other” for the next 18 games! (Ugh I’m afraid my dubious opinion of our 2015 1st round is bearing out 🙁 )
Haha, well considering he cannot be traded, I don’t think there’s much to discuss 🙂
I take ONE day off and suddenly I miss out on team assignments?? Who am I kidding #TeamConspiracy
Hmm, let’s see
HBT – #TeamRational
Hiring Hue – Tie, #TeamRational / #TeamSnark
Veteran Exodus – #TeamConspiracy is in a dead heat with #TeamSnark
Youth Influx – #TeamSnark slightly edges out #TeamRational
Preseason Football – #TeamSnark
My mind says I should be #TeamRational, but my heart says #TeamSnark.
I didn’t go to Harvard, so too bad brain!
#TeamSnark it is!
https://frinkiac.com/gif/S04E19/1070568/1077442.gif?b64lines=QUxMIFJJR0hULCBCUkFJTiwgWU9VICBET04nVCBMSUtFCk1FLCBBTkQgSSBET04nVCBMSUtFIFlPVS4gQlVUCkxFVCdTIEpVU1QgR0VUIFRIUk9VR0ggVEhJUyBBTkQKSSdMTCBHTyBCQUNLIFRPIFNMT1dMWSBLSUxMSU5HCllPVSBXSVRIIEFMQ09IT0w=
He can be signed then traded.
If SD had him signed, then they wouldn’t want/need to trade him 🙂
Damn “work.” I cannot believe that I missed this day. This is the day of days – the day when WFNY finally came back from the un-dead. And I wasn’t here. Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh.
Dang it. Me too. Guess you and I shouldn’t have gone to Vegas that day. And you wearing that blond wig and going by “Larry” didn’t fool anyone. Can we get a re-do or are we suspended from all team activities?
As if a suspension would stop you from just tailgating and sending everyone drunk texts anyway
I blame myself. I should have warned you to save some “billable hours”
I said I was sorry like ten times for those texts! Mea culpa! Also, please delete that photo I sent.
day off? you think we get days off around here?
I hadn’t even considered making this a Cosmo quiz. Fantastic application.
Whoops, sorry I sent it to Draymond Green. I think he posted it on Snapchat or something and caused a bit of a flurry.
Oh, you’re one to talk, “Pedro.” A sombrero and thick black mustache? Really? And you thought we wouldn’t be thrown in jail for 2 days for that “foolproof blackjack trick.” I should have just walked away when you mentioned “gorilla glue.”
If it helps, I blame you, too.
#TeamConspiracy bringing this thing back, full circle.
You guys are hard on your friends. One, the knife fight wasn’t my fault and two, I was the one who got charged with animal cruelty. Oh well. #yolo
I’m a control-freak. So, yes, it does help.