What’s it like doing a Browns pre-game show in a lost season? – WFNY Podcast – 2015-11-11
November 11, 2015Kyrie Irving battles “Skinny Walt” in Uncle Drew: Chapter 4 (Video)
November 12, 2015Happy Thursday Cleveland, USA. How’s your week going? Ready for the weekend yet? Have you discovered the meaning to life, yet? Want to share it with me?
The Cleveland Cavaliers are pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good so far into this young season. The Browns? Not so much.
Anyway, on with the proceedings. While We’re Waiting… .
A few weeks ago, I speculated that Josh McCown was leading a double life as the quarterback of the Cleveland Browns and Ed Blomquist, a butcher from Luverne, Minnesota, who’s one of the characters on the FX show Fargo. There’s a picture below to refresh everyone’s memory. It’s been brought to my attention that McCown also vaguely resembles Johnny Bravo, Mr. Incredible, and Jimmy Darmody on Boardwalk Empire. Anyone else I’m missing?
Anyway, I’ve continued to pretend that Josh McCown and Ed Blomquist are the same person, because I’m desperate to keep this Browns season interesting and it makes me chuckle to picture Josh McCown as an incompetent serial murderer (instead of just a semi-competent quarterback). Here’s what’s transpired since we last checked in on McCown. (Spoiler alert!)
- The Browns lost a very winnable game to the Denver Broncos in no small part due to McCown’s two interceptions (one of which was returned for a touchdown) and some untimely sacks.
- Josh McCown used the meat grinder at the butcher shop he works at to dismember the body of the man his wife hit with her car and McCown had no choice but to kill with a gardening shovel in his garage.
- McCown led the terrible Browns offense to a meager six points in an utterly unwatchable game against the St. Louis Rams.
- McCown burned his clothes, as well as those of the man he killed after dismembering his body in the butcher shop, showing off some disconcertingly pale calves in the process.
- Josh McCown was hurt himself running into a wall.
- Officer Lou Solverson warned McCown and his wife they may be in mortal peril because the man McCown killed was Rye Gerhardt, the youngest son in a prominent local organized crime family.
- McCown nearly died against the Arizona Cardinals, yet refused to come out of the game. How brave! The Browns lost, though.
- He killed one man and possibly another after the two men ambushed him at his butcher shop, watching the butcher shop he aspired to own one day become engulfed in flames from an accidental fire started in the skirmish.
- McCown watched from the sidelines with some bruised (possibly broken?) ribs as Johnny Manziel quarterbacked the Browns to another loss, this time on national television to the Cincinnati Bengals.
- McCown ordered his wife (who looks an awful lot like Kirsten Dunst) to pack her things, because he had just killed one or two people and they needed to leave immediately as Billy Thorpe’s “Children of the Sun” warned of approaching police sirens.
- He did some awesome gum chewing on the sideline with help from his spectacular jaw.
DraftKings and FanDuel may be nearing the beginning of the end, after the New York Attorney General sent the online daily fantasy sports (DFS) companies a cease-and-desist order forbidding them from taking bets from New York residents because their games constitute illegal gambling under state law.1 The New York Times reported the news on Tuesday. “Nevada regulators ruled last month that daily fantasy sports should be considered gambling,” said the Times, and there are ongoing investigations and pending legal actions in many other states.
This delights me to no end — and not because I think what DraftKings and FanDuel do should be illegal. (I think online gambling in all forms should be legal and it should be regulated.) I’m happy because they’ve been bombarding me with insufferable commercials for their product for every 30 effing seconds for the last intolerable three months. Their (both companies —I don’t even bother distinguishing the two) commercials are awful and annoying, and come off like they’re peddling pyramid schemes or weight loss supplements to a whole generation of ex-frat boys living vicariously through their fantasy teams. “My life used to suck and I had erectile dysfunction [err, sorry, wrong Sunday football commercial], then I tried DraftKings/FanDuel and I made a bunch of money and my life became slightly less meaningless! And you can do it, too!”
Besides having really annoying commercials, the whole thing stinks of so much that’s wrong with American business. It’s gambling. The customers of DraftKings and FanDuel wager on what transpires during a sporting event. The difference between “I’ll put together a sick fantasy team with Tom Brady and beat everyone else.” and “I’ll take the Packers laying three against the Vikings.” is negligible.2 Their business only exists because of a loophole that they’re probably misinterpreting in the first place.
Instead of having the decency and good sense to run a quiet multi-million dollar business without bragging about their loophole, they celebrated it! by gobbling up as much ad space as possible. It was like they were announcing to the whole country, “Hey, look at how un-illegal this is! Really, this isn’t illegal! Can you believe that this is un-illegal?” Oh, and they have partnerships with most NFL teams and backing from some of the country’s sports leagues, which is only extremely problematic.
Anyway, I don’t necessarily want either DraftKings or FanDuel to fail. I just want this to provoke a real national conversation about gambling and exploitation of loopholes, and I want to stop seeing really awful advertisements that make my enjoyment of television eight percent less good.
Your daily Calvin and Hobbes. I presume this is what actually goes on everyday in Berea. But we know Ray Farmer’s persistent with his decision-making process (whatever that is). Stay the course, Ray! The important thing is persistence!
And now for the random 90s song of the day. A Rage Against the Machine tune may be an inappropriate selection on a day adjacent Veteran’s Day, what with Rage’s uhh we’ll go with “disapproval” of American imperialism and militarization. But I had little choice in the matter, as I’ve had Rage’s “No Shelter” stuck in my head since I heard it on SiriusXM’s Lithium earlier this week (which is a phenomenal radio station, for those with satellite radio access).
I generally don’t indulge with music that skews angry and has a lot of yelling, as I gravitate toward music that engenders positive emotions, but RAtM’s funktastic rap rage-rock is endearing in a catchy way. It doesn’t hurt that their message resonates with angst-y teenagers who are too young to have even experienced disillusionment, but know that they don’t like parents and want to “stick it to the man.” Plus it’s hard to watch the NFL sell camouflage hats and host military pep rallies paid for with taxpayer money and not say, “You know, Rage Against the Machine had a few good points.” They go right up to the line of “too angry to listen to” and spit on it (after calling it a marketing tool).
“No Shelter is a surprisingly catchy tune — moreso than the likes of family-friendly tunes like “Killing in the Name.” I suspect that RAtM is smart enough to notice the irony of producing a song denouncing capitalism’s co-opting of rebellion for profits for the Godzilla soundtrack, but it’s funny nonetheless.
Also, Tom Morello is really friggin’ cool.
Trade in ya history for a VCR…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NEoesmnYU4
- According to the attorney general’s interpretation. [↩]
- Scott Van Pelt already destroyed this topic in a fantastic monologue on SportsCenter of all places. [↩]
47 Comments
Yeah, New York State is mortified by “gambling.” Unless they get their cut, of course. This is nothing more than a hypocritical cash grab. Okay, we’ll let you resume business in New York if you pay us a . . . um, let’s call it a “tax.” Yeah, that’s it, a “tax.” Oh, and you’ll need a license — one each for city, county, and state, of course. And there will be some kind of fee; we’ll figure out what to call it later. So fork it over.
And is it really gambling? How much different is it from regular fantasy sports? I’ve been in a season-long baseball fantasy league for more than 20 years, and I know that it does take some skill, effort, and brains to win. If it were just luck, I would have won the damn thing at least once in all that time! And, of course, it certainly takes a lot more know-how than buying a Powerball ticket.
I don’t play either Fan Duel or Draft Kings, but it seems like they’re getting hosed. New York should just leave these people alone. They created a product that caught the imagination of a lot of people and prospered from it. That used to be called American ingenuity.
“Cinema, simulated life, ill drama
Fourth Reich culture, Americana
Chained to the dream, they got you searching for
The thin line between entertainment and war”
My favorite RATM song. Back when I used to use an iPod, I always added No Shelter to every RATM album and would pretend like it was part of them.
The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything is 42.
Are regular fantasy sports not gambling? The main objective difference being that most seasonal fantasy sport leagues are run much like the office March Madness pool (also gambling) wherein the site you use to track is not the one collecting the money.
FD and DK change the emphasis by collecting and doling out the money themselves (while keeping their cut).
Our league uses the CBS.sports fantasy site (which I really like), and we pay them $150 per season. And no one seems to have a problem with it.
Just to be clear, they are not exploiting a loophole. The fantasy sports loophole was specifically built into the “Unlawful Internet Gambling Act” in 2006. That shut down a bunch of sports betting sites to Americans. Then was enforced to shutdown most poker sites in 2011.
Do they take a portion of the $150 and give it back out to whoever wins?
Paying for a database to track is one thing (though there are plenty of free ones). Paying for someone to be the bookie another.
Regardless, both are gambling.
i am not ashamed to admit i am on fan duel & absolutely love it … i have been an avid fantasy footballer & baseballer since 1993 & consider myself a “near-expert”.
i have learned some valuable lessons on the fan duel site & i would be happy to share those with anyone interested.
it will come down to if fan duel & draft kings are games of chance (gambling) or games of skill. i can tell you it takes a lot of skill to be a good /great fantasy player … you must have knowledge of trends , match-ups , stats , inuries etc … but i would be remiss to not admit there is also luck / chance involved. it will come down to a lot of technicalities … but in the end i’m guessing these sites will survive one way or another.
Uptick for not using irregardless.
Carry on.
I’m in a pickem league and we pay a small amount for the site that tracks things. We are basically forbidden from discussing money on the site, or they’ll threaten to boot.
I respectfully maintain that Ed Blomquist (I miss Breaking Bad!) is Bizzarro Matt Damon, and Josh McCown is Drago.
hi MRC … our FFL is on ESPN & is free. you can draft on-line or draft off-line & enter your draft results after the draft.
I use CBS as well, and as far as I know the site fee doesn’t get paid back. (not sure why we pay for CBS when pretty much every other site is free, but that’s another discussion) But they do allow you to track league fees such as transaction costs, so they are assisting in the tracking of gambling monies…
hi JNEIDS … IMO ESPN has the best fantasy sites & they’re free … you guys could have an extra $150 to put toward your league.
“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies- God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
They all have their drawbacks. We actually tried to switch to Yahoo before last season but our draft was set for the night Yahoo shut down, so we panicked and just bought back our league on CBS
Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder, Why, why, why?
NO SHELTER is one of the underrated Rage songs. So many Rage songs hit highs, but I don’t know if there’s a more tantalizing buildup in the Rage catalog than the guitar leading up to the explosion at 3:30. It’s an explosion that hits hard, hits quick and leaves you wanting much much more. It would have been easy for them to extend that, but they just hit it, blow you away and get the hell out. Such amazing music.
No doubt about it.
Soooo…
In case nobody noticed, the ratbirds picked up West.
Let’s revisit the 2014 draft shall we?
The Browns fearing interest by Baltimore, trade up with SF to get West.
They trade #106 and #180 to move to #96 to get him.
SF uses those picks to draft WR Bruce Ellington and CB Kenneth Acker. Ellington is showing promise and Acker is starting and playing well.
Browns then trade West to Tenn for a conditional 7th rounder that they never receive.
So, in the end, Baltimore gets West for free, SF picks up two promising starters (In positions the Browns could use, no less), and the Browns, well, are the Browns.
Go Cavs!
FYI … on ESPN you can draft off-line in a “league manager” league & can enter the results after the draft & you never have to worry about a site being down.
hi RGB … no big loss. movin’ on …
you boys are gettin’ deep today … i like it.
I think you can do that on CBS also (and maybe Yahoo too), but as commish of the league, I have enough crap to deal with. Entering draft results should not be one of them.
good luck with your team & with your league.
Paying respect to Douglass Adams. RIP.
Always found it particularly humorous that his anti-religious views fell rather in line with my religious ones. His artistry of the written word obviously helping.
songwriting is not easy … you need “the gift”.
Thank you kindly, sir, and back atcha. I’m trying to bolster the squad for the playoff time as we speak.
He’s a novel writer, but same purpose, yes.
LOL … i will have to get familiar with mr. adams’ work.
mg, As the President likes to say: Let’s be clear. The dress is blue, a hot dog is a sandwich, and fantasy sports are not gambling. Thank you and God Bless America.
LMAO !!! … Amen !
Fargo Season II is the best thing on television right now. Did you catch the Jeff Tweedy cover of Jose Feliciano’s “Let’s find each other tonight.” (original Fargo reference). I’m still trying to figure what the meaning all the green anytime Ed or Peggy is in a scene. It’s becoming more pronounced every episode.
It’s like an O. Henry story.
hi Paul … fargo is very good , but i am partial to american horror story. television shows like these , game of thrones , the bastard executioner etc. are really really pushing the boundaries … the writers of AHS have very twisted minds.
Rage was also one of the best–if not THE best–live shows I’ve ever seen. The energy was just at an entirely different level than just about anything else. Not certain given the number of great tracks to choose from, but I’m pretty sure “Know Your Enemy” is my personal favorite of theirs. And Tom Morello is a guitar god.
Wife won’t do AHS so I’d have to find time (which is in short supply) to watch it on my own. 🙁
To me, it’s just like the Office Space crime:
Do you ever take a penny from the tray? (No the jar is for crippled kids!) Well those are whole pennies, right? I’m just talking about fractions of a penny here. But we do it from a much bigger tray and we do it a couple a million times.
That to me is the difference between traditional fantasy leagues and daily fantasy.
Josh McCown is the oldest Taylor brother from Home Improvement. Brad, iirc
Fargo is a good show indeed.
The writers of AHS have no minds; they have ripped off almost all aspects of that show from other notable movies.
The Shining, Seven and Village of the Damned being the most apparent thus far.
man , CHRIS … you sure about that ? i have watched every single season & i don’t get that vibe at all. i have seen the shining many times & seven is one of my favorite underrated movies.
Sorry, should have clarified…. this season is the one where they are “borrowing” concepts from those previously mentioned movies.
This season:
Haunted Hotel – Shining
10 Commandments Killer – Seven
S&M dildo – Seven
Blonde hair kids in school suits – Village of the Damned
got it … there is still a lot of original & disturbing stuff. it was extremely hard to watch some of this stuff with my 14 year old & watching his jaw hit the floor.
kinda makes me wonder if i’m a bad parent …
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The bigger issue is, as has already been seen in this case, when left unregulated, gambling is prone to some, lets call it shady activity. It would be great if this country could allow big, profitable corporations to fairly deal with consumers without the government getting involved. Unfortunately, that “fair” part usually gets left behind.
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