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September 24, 2015Video: Watch 400 LeBron James dunks in 26 minutes
September 24, 2015Last week, Waiting for Next Year obtained and shared text messages sent by Browns general manager Ray Farmer during the team’s Week 1 debacle against the New York Jets. Farmer was not in attendance during the Jets game, serving the first of a four-week suspension for texting the sidelines during games in the 2014 season, a violation of the NFL’s electronic device policy, which is nearly as embarrassing as being suspended for bringing a Game Boy Color on the sidelines.
The suspension forbids general manager Farmer from not only attending games, but also interacting with the coaches and visiting the team’s practice facilities in Berea — the result of a total misunderstanding of the concept of “punishment.” Farmer has since made comments taking ownership of his actions and accepting his suspension. Whether Farmer takes similar responsibility for the team he assembled remains to be seen.
Due to Farmer’s bizarro-world anti-punishment,1 no insights will be gleaned from Farmer on the podium this week after the Browns’ 28-14 victory over the Tennessee Titans on Sunday. But due to to a rare and fortunate (for us fans, and in this solitary instance) gift exclusively bestowed upon Cleveland Browns employees, Farmer immediately forgot the mistakes leading to his predicament, and continued his frivolous and compulsive texting during the Browns win over the Titans on Sunday. WFNY obtained Farmer’s a costly lunch with my source2 at Lola — the “crown jewel of Cleveland’s vibrant culinary scene” or that “place where the government steals your thoughts and livers” depending on whether you believe Lola’s website or the homeless guy on the sidewalk outside. WFNY is sharing them with you now not out of journalistic integrity or the desire to get Farmer suspended for the rest of the season,3 but for your personal amusement.
Farmer’s texts reveal a feckless goofball not unlike your roommate in college who would eat Cheez Whiz straight out of the can, a man that stands in stark contrast to his stern and bookish public persona. Some would say this provides profound insight into our dual natures: that of the public representative we present to the public and that of our truer, more authentic self which leaks out in personal interactions. Others may say the texts more accurately reflect the thoughts and feelings of the blog contributor who made them up, and not Ray Farmer. I’d say it’s open to interpretation.
Sunday, 7:45 a.m. ET. Ray Farmer, restless and quite bored due to his suspension, decides to go “undercover” outside FirstEnergy Stadium in downtown Cleveland in the parking lots that host the unsavory, anarchic Browns tailgating scene. He’s totally unprepared for what he sees there. More than a little freaked out, he first appeals to his wife for comfort.
9:30 a.m. Ray Farmer, unable to control his texting habits, which are like that of a seventh-grade girl, messages head coach Mike Pettine and offensive coordinator John DeFilippo about Sunday’s game.
10:45 a.m. After a few hours walking around The Pit and Muni Lot, Ray begins to think he’s made a very grave mistake. Furthermore, he suspects his employer’s customers are insane and potentially dangerous. Ray continues to text coach Pettine and OC DeFilippo between panicked texts about the Browns fans he’s observed.
1:15 p.m. Ray Farmer starts to enjoy himself in the company of Browns fans. His fear subsides and he begins to ingratiate himself with the throngs of Browns fans who didn’t have tickets to the game. Soon after the game begins, Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel completes a 50-yard pass to wide receiver Travis Benjamin.
Over the course of the first half, the Browns extend their lead to 21-0. Farmer’s texts become increasingly incoherent, either due to his possibly broken glasses or his gradual intoxication. Things get a little hairy in the second half when the Titans score one then two touchdowns, closing the lead to 21-14. Despite a scare, a heroic rollout bomb from Manziel to Benjamin (again) seals the game.
6 Comments
Thanks for the laughs…
So, don’t know if this has been said, but if Ray would have destroyed his phone, would he have still been suspended?
LMAO !!!
drunk texting with an angry wife is NEVER a good idea
Vernet must’ve been in for a long night… Ray was in the zone!
“I’ll DM you on twitter”
50/50 he’s already tried this