National Signing Day, Josh Gordon’s suspension, and nicknames: While We’re Waiting…

Welcome to Wednesday, Wiffnyers. Wiffnyers—that doesn’t quite work, does it? Wiffnyers, hmmm. Never mind for now; we’ll get back to that later.

It’s National Signing Day, that special Wednesday in February when 18-year-olds across the country announce at which institutions of higher learning they will play football. I confess that I have not been following the latest recruiting news, nor the oldest recruiting news. I hope that Ohio State fares well, but I do not expect to be jumping and fist-pumping over any Buckeyes-to-be.

If the NFL Draft is a crapshoot, college recruiting is throwing lawn darts into the ocean and hoping to stick a whale. They’re kids! They’re literally still in high school! Who knows what they’re going to turn out to be? Today they’re snoozing through algebra class, and tomorrow they will be central figures in rivalries from The U to Eugene. I can’t imagine having that many eyes on me at 18. Kudos to the student-athletes who can handle the attention without their heads inflating to the size of watermelons.

As you have likely determined by now, I have little insight to offer regarding the football recruiting landscape. Luckily, our Joe Gilbert is on the case. He will be tracking where the local kids are headed, and also keeping tabs on Ohio State’s haul as it comes in throughout the day. Some recruits have already declared their allegiance to the Buckeyes, including my long lost cousin Torrance Gibson, a four-star rated quarterback from American Heritage High in Plantation, Florida.

After watching a few highlights, I may have to rethink my no fist-pumping statement.

Josh Gordon. Eesh. I feel like I should have something to say about what’s been going on with Josh, most notably his latest suspension. There was also his first-person essay in which he addressed his detractors and said he was not an addict. I don’t have any significant stance on the matters. He’s a talented kid who has made and may well make more mistakes. I have no idea if he’s an addict, or if he’ll ever pull it together. I hope not and I hope so, for his sake.

What more is there to say about? That it sucks? Yeah, that works—it sucks. That’s an appropriately crude way to describe such a lame situation: It sucks. It sucks for him, it sucks for Browns fans, it sucks for the NFL; it sucks for everyone involved except the lawyers. I can understand if people are mad at him or feel cheated by him in some way, but I’m not and I don’t. He’s a kid. He’s screwing up right now. Same goes for Johnny Manziel, for that matter.

The whole idea of being under a magnifying glass is that it makes it easier for people to see your blemishes, and two of the most infamous Browns are in the midst of a horrific breakout.

The perverse Browns fan in me does find at least some humor in all of this. The Super Bowl was 72 hours ago, and the Browns now have the top headline in the NFL. It’s for all the wrong reasons, but still. We don’t have to worry about being bored during the Browns offseason because something always seems to happen. It does not seem like that thing tends to be good, but beggars can’t be choosers. The Browns are a bit like the internet in that way—they churn out plenty of content, quality be damned. Leave it to the masses to decide if it’s any good.

Terry Pluto’s On Board with Cleveland State. I figure his word carries more weight than mine, and maybe just mayyybe that will inspire you to take a peek at the CSU Vikings. You’re in luck if so: we have a feature today introducing this year’s players and exploring their NBA doppelgängers, including Mo Williams and Danny Ferry.

Very happy for CSU, here is Wil Gibson's story on the Vikings:… http://t.co/0HJxfx3S3l

— Terry Pluto (@terrypluto) February 3, 2015

(A substantial thank you to Mr. Pluto for sharing that story. I always thought that second L in my name was superfluous anyway.)

Back to Wiffnyers: It’s supposed to be how you’d say “WFNYers,” except it does not sound good at all. It is a very bad word, aesthetically speaking. It stumbles off the tongue rather than rolling. Say if out loud (but super quietly if you’re at work or in class or in a public restroom): Wiffnyers.

It sounds silly, right?

We may not all be thinking it sounds silly for the same reason, however, as there are a couple ways to say it. The first several times I pronounced it wiff-KNEE-ers, which to me sounds only slightly less nasally than Woody Allen. I suppose the other way to say it would be wiff-NYE-ers, in which it’s Nye like Bill the Science Guy. Neither version sounds good, and neither is something any reasonable person would want to say on a regular basis.

I’m told that our own Rick Grayshock’s daughter used to call the WFNY writing roster Woofnies when attempting to pronounce “WFNYs.” Woofnies is both adorable and better sounding than either pronunciation of Wiffnyers. It’s also a better fit for Clevelanders, with the woof- of the Browns and the –nie of one Bernard Joseph Kosar, Jr. It’s more pleasant on the ear, too: Woofnies.

It’s awfully early to be so scatterbrained; I apologize. What I’m getting at here is I don’t know if the Waiting for Next Year readership has a nickname. If not, does our readership want a nickname? We’re glad to have you reading, and the least we can do is come up with a stinking nickname. In lieu of ID cards, you ought to have something to identify yourselves as part of our faithful audience. Wiffnyers is bad, but I’m sure we could come up with something. How about Woofnies?

Woofnies could be like a club. Wouldn’t it be something to have a secret phrase you could whisper on the sly to let a cat know that you’re in the know? Maybe a handshake? A series of winks? Blinking in Morse code? Why stop there? We could get WFNY smoking jackets. Cufflinks. Club head covers. A whole golf course. Branded luggage. Shares in a private island. Spaceships!

This is getting out of hand. Thanks for reading is all. Enjoy your Wednesday.