Browns to roll with Brian Hoyer against Colts
December 3, 2014Battle for the North Coast: Cleveland State takes on Toledo
December 3, 2014The Cleveland Browns have officially announced Brian Hoyer as their starting quarterback for this Sunday, but that won’t do much to close the divide between those who faun over Johnny Manziel and those who profess their love for the hometown kid. Most Browns fans are staunchly on one side of this quarterback “controversy,” an annual tradition in Cleveland.
But for those still stuck in the gray area, unsure of whom to give their stamp of approval, fear not: We here at WFNY have created a guide, completely unscientific and made up, to help you figure it all out. This one goes way beyond Romanburgers and Snickers bars, so keep score, commit to memory, or do whatever it is you need to do. Let us show you the way.
You Are Probably a Brian Hoyer Supporter If:
• You hold onto buy-one-get-one Egg McMuffin coupons despite never, ever using one
• You’ve seen shows like Arrested Development and Happy Endings, but would rather just stick to Two and a Half Men
• You’ve told someone to get off your lawn, and weren’t quoting a Clint Eastwood movie
• You use Windows, because you’re not a fancy liberal artist
• You conceive of heaven as Woody Hayes and Jim Tressel playing a nice game of horseshoes
• You have an actual lunch pail, and you bring it to work every day
• You’ve watched C-SPAN for more than 10 minutes at a time
• You can drink milk at any time of the day
• You think Run the Jewels is that game everyone is inviting you to play on Facebook
• You think wearing slacks on a weekend is kinda European
• You think that Joe Namath was a real doo-dah
Any of those apply to you? No, well, then what about these?
You Are Probably a Johnny Manziel Supporter If:
• You send and receive in excess of 35 Snaps per day
• You prefer keeping your investments liquid in case you need to show out in Vegas
• When you see your girlfriend, you make a point to say “that’s bae.”
• You always say this year’s edition of Madden is the best ever
• When a Drake song comes on at the bar, and you’ve had a few, you enjoy tweeting “man Drake’s lyrics just encompass my life experience.”
• You’ve always thought swans were the dopest birds.
• You have slid into DMs and expressed it in .gif form.
• You don’t even have a cable package. Straight Netflix and HBO Go, playa
• You consider shower beers to be the greatest invention in human history
• You’ve got #LaFamilia in your Twitter bio, though you admit you have no clue what it means
• You’ve got an iPhone 6+ and the latest Android phone because you’ve got it like that
Were those a little more familiar? Less so?
With that, you should now have an idea over whose corner you’re firmly in. Come Sunday, those of you on #TeamHoyer can stand up proudly right out of the gate. Just know that those on #TeamManziel are waiting in the wings.
27 Comments
Brightened a nice day…hilarious
Thx, boys, my inner conflict now resolved.
Get loose, Connor! Doubt either of these cabana boys can take much of a pounding.
I’m a Connor fan. Does that make me a hipster?
Personally, I’m rooting for #TeamBrowns.
So, um, what’s the 3rd option? Neither apply to me. Typical, being stuck in between Millenials and Gen-X.
Signed,
-Liberal Artist on a Mac & Windows, who has no idea who this “Drake” is, nor what “bea” means.
It’s OK, Griff. Would you settle for Team Grossman, or something? i think you could find a nice home there
AKA, Gen Y!
It did for a couple of minutes, but now that’s no longer hip and is just plain gauche. You have to be truly ahead of the game while looking like you’re behind. Thus, it’s obvious that you now have to be a Colt McCoy fan (whom we are getting in a virtual trade next year for Hoyer).
No, if you’re a hipster, you root for Weeden (ironically of course). And you grow a beard.
not even his parents root for him. they root for Romo to stay healthy so that Jerry will keep giving their boy a paycheck.
Is he the QB of the “stay out of the spotlight and drama” people? yeah, then that’s me. LOL
Ugh. Colt McCoy is so last week.
Check out Kevin Burke, if you can find him. But, you didn’t hear that from me. 😉
This. thisthisthisthis. This.
Is it ok if I drink Lone Star, since he plays for Dallas? PBR sucks.
Okay, I took your little quiz. It came out #TEAM_SPERGON_GRADKOWSKI
whoever that is.
From the size of him in preseason, I think he has a tough time staying out of anything that involves a free buffet.
a mixed-race Pole with a cannon for an arm who played 3 total games for 9 teams. Duh.
I came out #TEAM_FRYE_ZEIER.
mixed race pole? like this one?
http://www.jimsmodeltrains.com/assets/images/MLR8082JMT.gif
True hipsters would be cheering for Case McCoy
Or Brad.
Unsurprisingly, mine came out #DREAMYTEAM_QUINN_AND_NOTHING_BUT_QUINN
that’s fine that’s fine you think I think this feces is funny I put my heart and soul into it every single week I study my rear off I don’t think it’s funny I don’t want to go out and get embarrassed on monday night football deuce and I are talking I’m done
I TAKE THIS SERIOUS!
#TEAM_SENECA_DILFER!!!!
[gets pelted with garbage]
#TEAM_FREIER, if you will.
ouch lol