Who’s Next? Breaking down the Cavaliers’ head coach candidates
May 19, 2014Josh Gordon appealing suspension, will participate in OTAs
May 19, 2014In the fleeting moments after LeBron James launched a miraculous 3-pointer at the buzzer from what was about Ashtabula to defeat the Orlando Magic in Game 2 of their Eastern Conference Finals matchup in 2009, I had a thought. It was hard to decipher over the jubilant swearing, the man-on-man hugging and the overall ecstasy of everyone around me, but it was there: “Things are going to be different this time.”
That shot felt like it would go down in Cleveland sports lore as legendary, like it would propel the Cavaliers—fresh off blowing back-to-back double-digit leads—to the NBA Finals, and ultimately, a championship. “We have LeBron James,” I said to myself. “He just hit the most insane shot I’ve ever seen. That never happens here. We can’t lose.”
But things didn’t turn out differently after all. Dwight Howard morphed into Godzilla, his teammates, fresh off a PED party in Hedo Turkoglu’s basement, hit more 3’s than Frank Caliendo has impressions (I mean, Rafer Alston, you guys? For real?), and the Cavs were quietly swept under the rug. I immediately grounded myself for a week. How could I have been so stupid? Nothing changes in Cleveland. We had the basketball equivalent of Neo from The Matrix and still went out like Agent Smith.
Outdated movie references aside, that series loss to the Magic was another depressing notch in my Cleveland sports belt which was already sagging from the weight of constant misery. My dad tried to save me early on, giving me a Creamsicle and ushering me off to bed before I could witness the Indians choke away Game 7 to the Marlins in ’97, but it was too late. Since then, I’ve openly rooted for Kelly Holcomb and watched Orlando Brown get hit in the eye by a penalty flag after trying to eat a referee. “Look how tight that spiral is!” is a real thing I’ve said about Derek Anderson. I watched the Indians blow a three-game lead to the Boston Red Sox, alone in my college dorm room, on a ghastly 14-inch television, with only a bag of plain Combos and a weird roommate who wore a trench coat and a top hat to comfort me.
I’ve been conditioned to expect the worst, to believe that Kyrie Irving hates Cleveland and our delicious sandwiches and to accept that anything good, like Danny Salazar’s fastball, is only temporary.
Then, on May 8, 2014, the Cleveland Browns drafted Johnny Manziel.
The one we affectionately call Johnny Football is the antithesis of the typical, blue-collar (whatever that means) Cleveland athlete. Manziel’s collar is made out of pure gold. His stable of women is hotter than that 10 you dated for a week in high school. He outdrank Eli Manning (probably) and then had the gravitas to sleep in the next morning, skipping the Manning Passing Academy and blaming it on his iPhone. He sips white wine on patios with Drake and feigns signing autographs against awful teams like Rice, because he’s better than you and your tiny, irrelevant university. He zig-zags around defensive linemen hell bent on squishing him until he decides “Yeah, I guess I’ll flick a 60 yard touchdown now.” He takes bottles of champagne to the face after getting drafted because it’s every white kid from a small town in Texas’ dream to recreate a rap video. TMZ just isn’t always there to film it.
We’ve never had someone like Manziel in Cleveland before, and it’s safe to say Cleveland could ruin him. It would be right in line with the Cleveland sports narrative for Manziel’s calling card, his improvisational skills that are Second City-esque, to be swallowed up by giant defensive lineman that are bigger and faster than him. It isn’t hard to imagine his throws fluttering through the wintry Cleveland air and landing in the hands of a salivating cornerback as Brian Hoyer slyly grins and high fives himself on the bench. It’s easy to think about Manziel getting hit so hard on a run that he splits in half like that poor sap from Not Another Teen Movie.
But this time, things feel different. I know, I know. It goes against everything I just wrote. But how could it not? The kid essentially texted Browns quarterbacks coach Dowell Loggains “Draft me or I’ll fight everyone in your organization, include Jimmy Haslam. JK LOL but please pick me, I’m out of water bottles.” Manziel is such a legend already that the Browns told ESPN’s Bob Holtzman to stand in the parking lot, across the street, in the rain during rookie mini camp, AND HE DID IT. All Manziel has ever done is win, and he hasn’t done it quietly. We need that. The Browns, a team so bad that Teddy Bridgewater would rather spend his winters in Minnesota than play in Cleveland, need that. I hope that when Manziel throws his first touchdown pass in Pittsburgh, he bounds up and down and throws up his patented money sign that makes old men grumble about American values and how we’ve lost our way as a society as angry fans slingshot their Terrible Towels at him. Manziel won’t back down, and neither should we.
As I sat at a coffee shop one weekend morning, the Plain Dealer sports section spread out in front of me with a picture of Manziel on the front page, a man struck up a conversation with me. We chatted about the young quarterback, how exciting he is and how great it is to have him in Cleveland. As he left, he turned to me and said, “Nice talking to you. I’ll see you at the parade.” And then before I could respond, he was gone. What I wanted to say back was “I’ll see you there.” Because things feel different this time, don’t they?
Or maybe I’ll just never learn.
***
Jordan Zirm is an Assistant Content Director for STACK Media. After earning his BS in Journalism from the University of Missouri, he spent time writing for Cleveland Scene Magazine and Complex Media before joining STACK. You can follow him on Twitter at @CleveZirm.
(Photo: John H Reid III, Cleveland Browns)
90 Comments
Fire and ice nice!
Judging by the past 14 years it’s been nothing but burnt!
It is the name of the saga, after all.
Which we are in agreement have never been for nor produced a Team Championship.
So you would take Manziel winning League MVP year in and out with no Super Bowl wins?
Which, again, is wholly irrelevant.
I’m still lost on that notion.
All I ever hear about is his “BIG PLAY” and “NO FEAR OF PRESSURE” and “THE GAME IN ALABAMA BRO”
None of which have ever occurred in the biggest spotlight there was to be in.
So again, how big could of the play been and how big the pressure when he was up against FREAKING DUKE IN THE CHIK-FILA BOWL?
after the last 15years, who wouldn’t?
You presume that the QB is what determines whether a team plays for a championship. That is a demonstrably incorrect presumption. Manziel didn’t control whether his team played Freaking Duke or Freaking Florida State. He played the team that his team played. Manziel didn’t play defense. He didn’t coach. He didn’t do 22/23 of what his team did. He may not have done his job perfectly, but so what? Even his worst game is not the reason they didn’t play Freaking Florida State.
If it is ever correct to assign victories to QBs (which it isn’t), Manziel is something like 20-6 (which “he” isn’t), with a Cotton Bowl victory (that’s not really his). Applying that to an NFL season (which shouldn’t be done), Manziel would have a 77% winning percentage. You can win a Super Bowl with a 77% winning percentage (although a QB can never win a Super Bowl).
It’s just completely irrelevant in discussing the NFL whether a college QB wins a National Championship in a season that doesn’t include playoffs or any meaningful equivalent “spotlight.” If it was relevant, Tom Brady would have been a horrible NFL QB and Vince Young would have been super duper terrific.
If someone says “all he does is win,” it’s only technically incorrect in that: (a) “he” didn’t win any games (his team did); and (b) even if he did, he actually lost 6 games (though he neither won nor lost any of them). But with respect to the other 20, he honestly did pretty well. It’s simply irrelevant that none of those 20 games were National Title “spotlights.”
I’d take Peyton Manning without his one Super Bowl win. You wouldn’t?
I mean, it would stink to have a guy like Peyton, but have him win a Superbowl after he goes to Denver instead of with his original team.
That being said, it is still so much better than the last 15 years. I will gladly have 10 years of playoff frustration and regular season glee at this point. Thanks.
Exactly. That’s why everyone pines for the days of Bernie – you know, the most painful memories that Browns fans can remember. In the end, pain is better than numbness.
Yes
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
frog asks, “How do I know you won’t sting me?” The scorpion
says, “Because if I do, I will die too.”
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp “Why?”
Replies the scorpion: “Its my nature…”
QB play can’t even always guarantee a win, never mind a championship. In Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary game, Bernie set a school record throwing for like 440 yards and put the Hurricanes ahead with a scoring drive with 28 seconds to play. His day was over, he was on the sideline. Loser!
If he’s Fran Tarkenton, or Jim Kelly, I’m in charge of the rose petal tossers. And the GM from Jax who drafted Bortles will be remembered as fondly as the Portland Trailblazers GM who drafted Sam Bowie.
Kelly Holcomb agrees.
I love this famous fable but who/what is the scopion here? And why hasn’t he/she/it died yet?
Bernie bobbleheads circa ’87 and ’88 look at Holcomb, nodding, nodding, nodding.
That’s right, you cannot stop the South Austin Scorpions
http://www.hdiphonewallpapers.us/phone-wallpapers/phonescreensavers/129351921605210-34615.gif
on the other hand, Troy Smith is really confused right now
thoren/reek seems to have his teeth and fingers and toes and no mention of his diet in the dungeons in the show but yet the message of the magnitude what was going on was effectively conveyed. i would say the show has slightly glossed over House Bolton’s alternate words — “A flayed man holds no secrets.”
Jordan Zirm should be a novelist. He’s a great fiction writer. By the way, do you Clevelanders have any idea how many Ohioans there are here in Texas now? Maybe Manziel will keep some people north of the Ohio River for a change.
GRRM drops clues pretty early in the Reek chapters about who he really is. Not to mention, the last we saw of that character he was at the mercy of the Bastard of Bolton, who is mentioned as Reek’s captor. And nobody in the Sword of Ice N Fire is dead unless we see them beheaded, burnt, or run through. And they don’t always stay dead!
Did not expect to get into a GoT discussion on this thread, but it’s far more palatable than the usual woe is us Cleveland belly-aching!
I missed the reference to Bolton being his captor, but I suppose you’re right. It was all there. Still, it was a captivating part of the tale. Certainly more captivating than Berea.
I don’t see Manziel (or anyone in any uniform with CLE on the front) as a savior until there’s consistent production and wins on the field. We’ve had one half-assed playoff game since May 2010, and I’m extremely bored of the travails of all these franchises. Just win, that’s all there is to it.
The Reek chapters of ADWD are good..what’s going to be very interesting moving ahead with the books and show is when the latter catches up to the former. It’s already happening, and Georgie boy hasn’t even announced a release date for the next book.
I fear that the show production and celebrity are killing his creativity.
I don’t think the show will impact what he writes moving forward, if that’s what you mean. But there’s no way in the seven hells he publishes books 6 and 7 before the show catches up.
I think he’s just getting lazy. But you’re right, no way does he finish first. These stories may take divergent paths. Anyway, I hope GRRM’s cholesterol levels are right.
Martin wrote himself into a corner at some point and has been spending years trying to get himself out. Regarless of his health we’ll get an ending that aligns with his vision, but would love to see it get wrapped up via the books, cuz books are 99 percent of the time better than the translation on-screen.
Would be truly terrible if the ending gets revealed, even in general terms, on the screen and not on paper.
there may be more people from Great Lakes states in Texas now than born-n-bred Texans 🙂
unless Johnny Manziel is opening up a fortune-100 company with a slew of jobs, I don’t think he is going to be able to keep people in Ohio (I’d live there if I could). but, he’ll make life more palatable for everyone who was born there (well, other than Cincitucky) if he is what many Texans think he is.
I am shocked that no St. Iggie alums have come and corrected Shammy on this one. Sir Brian Hoyer of North Olmsted attended St. Ignatius, not the rival Eagles.
I think this conversation has become completely derailed from where it originally began in the thinking that I am equating the QB completely responsible for wins in any level of competition; that was never my intent but could be completely my fault.
In the narrative of this article as is so many things written about Manziel it seems his legend grows faster than his actual accomplishments.
Has he had notable accomplishments of a Heisman trophy and a win at Alabama. Yes and I do not take those away from him or with a grain of salt. Both are impressive.
But I also seem to remember his rough spot at LSU and against Mizzou in which the bottom seem to be falling out before beating Duke to recover.
The read through of him hosing down frat girls with champagne in between him deciding to flick 60 yard TD’s at will is becoming the en vogue thing to write about him because well…. there’s nothing else to write about him right now and nobody seems to want to really break down him as a player.
The sentence proclaiming “all he ever does is win” without really winning anything to this point is just another line on the heap that is the legend of Manziel.
Correction of your correction $hamrok was only half wrong $hamrok got the Saint part right.
“Do it for Marty’s torsoe!” (Marty, the poor sap from Not Another Teen Movie)
Marty! Yes! One person got my reference. Thank you, Jeremy
Why did the Cleveland Browns bring in a veteran quarterback (Vince Young), let him tryout for the team, then sign him to a contract, and then cut him before he has a chance to compete, without any explanation…. That only hurt Vince Young and his ability to sign with another team….
Why would a team do that to a VETERAN quarterback?????
Obviously, the Brown’s FO are Aggie fans and Johnny Football asked them to screw over the ex-Longhorn player.
That, or we are talking about a QB that was cut by GB so that they could keep Seneca Wallace and Scott Tolzien, so he should be happy that he got a week’s pay.