“Hefty Lefty” Jared Lorenzen, now 320 pounds, tells Browns to call him

photo1Jared Lorenzen nearly shut down the Internet this week when pictures and video of the 300-plus pound, former New York Giants’ quarterback surfaced of him playing quarterback for the Northern Kentucky River Monsters of the Continental Indoor Football League. In wake of his recent jolt back into the sports spotlight, the man who embraces nicknames such as the “Round Mound of Touchdown”, “Pillsbury Throwboy” and “Hefty Lefty” joined SVP and Russilo on ESPN Radio.

Along with discussing his weight and love for the game of football, the show’s hosts Scott Van Pelt and Ryen Russilo joked with Lorenzen on the possibility that the Cleveland Browns would give him a call due to their dire need for a quarterback and Lorenzen’s return to popularity.

“I would go there in a heartbeat,” said Lorenzen. “Come on Brownies give me a call.”

It’s been six years since Lorenzen last wore an NFL uniform, but it looks like “Feast Mode” can still teach Browns’ quarterbacks a thing or two about pocket presence.

The self described 322-pound (post two burritos from Mo’s Southwest Grill) former Mr. Football in the state of Kentucky looks nimble sliding up in the pocket and finding his receiver for a touchdown.

  • RGB

    He can’t be any worse than Weeden.
    Or Oniel Cousins…

  • mgbode

    if there is one thing that I have learned from being a Browns’ fan is that no matter how low things seem at the moment, they can always get worse.

  • mgbode

    in response, Michael Lombardi called Lorenzen and they had a lengthy discussion on the best place to obtain meatball subs in each NFL and CIFL city.

  • RGB

    Imagine him in the all-brown unis. Talk about a meatball…

  • The_Real_Shamrock

    He just loves Brownies!!!!!!

  • The_Real_Shamrock


  • RGB

    And cookies, and cupcakes, and fudge, and pie…

  • RGB

    I thought I set the bar low enough.

  • mgbode

    you gotta bury it in the Earth or all 322 lbs are going to trip on it and you don’t want to be in his path at that point.

  • humboldt

    Not enough value…

  • Brian Kershner

    He could block for himself. It would be like having an extra interior lineman.

  • fatboyqb

    That’s just disgusting ! He’s so fat ! Sorry, not trying to bully him. Don’t need him crying and checking into a mental hospital.

  • mgbode

    I don’t know. His gut more looks the size of a child.

  • Mike Bogucci

    Stupid. MKC says ‘Browns to sign Lorenzen’.

  • EyesAbove

    He looks heavier than 322.

  • Pat Leonard

    I have no problem with his weight… his athleticism for a pocket QB is fine and the size would be an advantage given how nimble he is for a big guy. My problem is with the way he throws the ball… his throwing motion looks like a college QB to me and I don’t know if the accuracy is there.

  • Paul Tatara

    It’s either him or Sipe again.

  • mgbode

    think of it in terms of per pound and the value skyrockets

  • humboldt

    I can only think in terms of value menu meals

  • mgbode

    so, he would be about 20 per day or so.

  • simond

    may as well start a Tebow rumor too

  • mgbode

    I don’t know. He seems pretty happy in a “life without contracts”

  • The_Matt_Of_Akron

    He can probably teach a thing or two about Hot Pocket presence….

  • Kildawg

    At least he would fill the glaring hole at FB (Hey, he could even use the HB Pass play).

  • Eric G

    For the record, “Feast Mode” actually made me lol