Counting Down the Worst Cleveland Browns Christmas Gifts – #10

When you live in a world with and professional sports, you just know that you’re going to end up with some really bad team branded products. Those products get searched out this time of year as potential presents for giant sports fans, no matter how ludicrous. In fact sometimes the more inane they are, the more likely they’re chosen as gifts. With that in mind, I decided to identify these gifts and open them up for commentary by WFNY writers and alumni.

Without further ado, I bring you the first of this series… “Fan Cake.”

Browns Cake Pan

Craig: I’m not sure what sets this helmet-shaped cake pan apart as being specific to the Browns, but if you ever do finally heed Phil Savage’s advice, it could just as well be a Buffalo Bills fan cake pan.

Craig: When I think of the Cleveland Browns, I definitely think of cake. Like the Browns, cake is soft, delicate, requires a delicate balance of ingredients to end up being truly great. And like the Browns, cake will more than likely make you feel badly about yourself if you have too much.

Denny Mayo: After everyone laughs you out of the room for having a cake pan shaped like a football helmet, you can just flip the cake around and say that it’s a dented mold that was the shape of Ohio. Because that’s somehow less embarrassing than being an adult who owns a Cleveland Browns football helmet-shaped cake pan.

Rick: Gifts that say “here, now go make me something” are always a good idea.

Brendan Porath – The label also markets this as use for a “concrete garden stone.” It’s a versatile item.

Dan Parker: Does it come with oven mitts so that you don’t grab it out of the oven and chuck it underhand to the other team?

Kirk: The pan may be designed for cakes, but this organization has been baking brownies since 1999.

Kirk: Bake, freeze, mold, AND create?! With that skillset, we’d be stupid NOT to use a first round pick on it!

Kirk: If you can use it to make gelatin desserts, does it come in “right guard”? Pretty sure that’d be an upgrade over Lauvao and Cousins.

Ryan: Does the Leon McFadden number 29 toast maker come separately? Or is production on that still a long way off?

Of course, your own jokes are encouraged in the comments. There are nine more of these coming your way between now and Christmas. You’re welcome.

  • Harv 21

    really bad gift idea in the Dwayne Rudd household.

    Sorry, that’s all I got. Rick, hopefully we all learn your lesson the easy way.

  • mgbode

    no joke from me. my wife has an entire closet dedicated to different cake pans though I don’t think she has this one (she does have a football shaped pan already though). she does have her own cake business though.

    and Harv/Rick – if you have a wife like mine, then she’d be mad if I didn’t get her gifts that said “now, go make something” But, some of us are just lucky like that I suppose.

  • Lunch

    Is that really a cake? It looks more like a boy scout merit badge. Heh!

  • Harv 21

    long as it’s feeding her passion, not just yours.

  • Natedawg86

    Browns bedpan

  • Jason Hurley

    Greg Little made me a cake with one…but, he dropped it. 🙁

  • mgbode

    my passion is eating cake. that’s why we work together as a team 😉

  • Clint

    I was supposed to get one delivered about ten years ago, but Kellen Winslow was the driver.. so.. yeah.

    Is it baked or Fryed?

    Its like a Trent Richardson touchdown, cause I’ve only seen one of em this year..

  • Ezzie Goldish

    Please, let #1 be upper deck corner season tickets to the Browns…

  • Kildawg

    Wait, there’s 9 other gifts worse than this?
    I guess cake isn’t too bad, since you can have it and eat it. Shape leaves much to be desired though.

  • Natedawg86

    I wonder what the other team ones look like

  • Kildawg

    That’s supposed to be the logo? Did Weeden flip it or something?

  • Scooter

    At first glance, I thought it was a Browns doormat, which is much more appropriate.

  • mgbode

    I believe it would be 50yd line first row seats so that you can see all the atrocities up close without as many entertaining fans nearby.

  • Ezzie Goldish

    Nah, my Dad’s are fourth row, those you can sell to fans from other teams. 🙂

  • Vindictive_Pat

    Your wife makes cakes for a living? I guess nobody ever said life is supposed to be fair. My wife teaches sexually-active 6th graders whose rich parents would rather drink with them than hold them accountable. There is way too little cake involved 🙁

  • I’ve seen an awful lot of terrible gift ideas in my day, but this one takes the cake.

    I’ll show myself out.

  • Big Z

    Looks more appetizing than the poop sandwiches they give us every Sunday…

  • maxfnmloans

    life is like a (poop) sandwich…the more bread you have, the less (poop) you have to eat

  • mgbode

    the thing about cake is that no matter how much you have, there is never enough

  • Garry_Owen

    Well, you technically still have to eat the same amount. It just goes down easier.

  • newprodigy

    I’m actually okay with this gift…at least it’d let me consume my Cleveland sports entertainment without making me want to puke after…or maybe it still would…